Articles
Thing Finding with Emma Gwillim of BasilBe
I’ve been interviewing people for Thing Finding Thursday who have, by and large, FOUND IT. Their THING! (Or, arguably, they are happily ensconced in their Thing For Now as we all know that Things evolve.) Yes, it's clear what Susannah, Danielle, Chris, Kelly, Pam, Dyana, Jenny, MMM, Tara, Jasmine, Megan, Amy are bringing forward to the world.
Joyfully.
And from the emails I've been receiving since this series' inception, I hear that you're appreciating the informed wisdom they're sharing here.
So, “been there” stories are an incredible source of inspiration (and for a fabulous round-up of “been there…gone HERE” stories to rev up your possible-o-meter, go check out Alexandra’s piece.)
But what about the people that are RIGHT HERE, right now? Who know how they want to BE, and maybe not necessarily what to DO?
Sound like anyone you know?
I present one such person, a reader of mine who sweetly raised her hand and said:
I would love to write a guest post. I speak from my own experience of feeling a little inertia, waiting until I had THE answer...until I learned to taste all the flavours, take the cues from my friends and family (and myself) and ultimately making some big changes in my working life.
Friends, please enjoy this guest post by Emma Gwillim.
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Journaling would be, for me, a great excuse to indulge in my love of stationery (oh the sweet joy of a crisp, new notebook!) but I just don’t seem to have the discipline to get my thoughts down on paper daily. Not in this structured way at least. I am a scribbler though - my creative mind is constantly stirring up new ideas which I write down, along with inspiring quotes and stories I’ve read in books, blogs and, my other obsession, magazines. In looking back over years of dog-eared notebooks, it’s obvious that my thing has come to light by a slow, dawning realisation.
I’m pretty impatient by nature and, if I set my mind to something, I’ll be a woman on a mission - I love a good challenge. And so, finding myself thing-less and a little lost in my early twenties, without knowing what the thing was that I wanted to go after was foreign territory. Uncomfortable at best, sheer panic a worst.
Here I was, working my way up the corporate ladder and earning a good living by giving out 100% of my hard work, energy, and professionalism at work, all the while feeling pretty lost and empty on the inside. And without an answer. Terrified at the uncharacteristic prospect of doing nothing, I set to reading all manner of personal development books and inspiring biographies, while the answer still eluded me. What was my thing? The thing would set my heart on fire?
I spent way too long waiting for the answer, waiting for the proverbial light-bulb to go off.
It didn’t.
And I’m embarrassed to say, unsurprisingly, I continued trading my time and energy for a monthly pay-slip in a job that left me cold.
Nothing changed until my mind-set changed.
The wonderful Steve Jobs said “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” I’d been waiting to work out, and logically decide, what my next dot would be and all the while I was in limbo.
It was a distraction in another area of my life, the natural end of a relationship, that was the shake-up for me. That ending became a new beginning of the real Emma: I took a flying lesson, I travelled, I began to learn the Italian language, I cooked foods I loved, I read books that interested me, I socialised with people that made me feel happy …. and almost I forgot about my pursuit of that ‘light-bulb’ moment. I stopped waiting and started moving, it didn’t matter in what direction.
And then it came....not in a blinding flash. Instead, I instinctively knew the things that brought a smile to my face and my heart and, the more I indulged in things I was passionate about, the more it seemed to open up the conversation with others. In being willing to give things a go and learn if it was “me” or not, my wonderful family and friends seemed to be given the green light to impart their view, their perception of the real me, and added more colour to the picture that was always before my eyes. Clues to which I’d been scribbling down over the years.
I still don’t believe I’ve got the definitive answer of what I want to do, but I’ve got gutsier about what I want to be. As one of these things is brave, I’m going to bravely share, for the first time, my thing: to love and nurture people to live their best life. It’s a simple as that.
And how exciting! The giddiness of this was that I realised I could be this way in every area of my life - rather than the ‘what to do’ I was searching for in my working life. I can be loving and nurturing with my husband, family, and friends. I can be loving and nurturing in my work and hobbies. I can even be loving and nurturing with myself - something that was definitely on the back-burner years ago.
If I could speak to my younger self, here’s what I’d advise:
Your purpose isn’t your work. Your life is. What do you want to stand for? To be remembered for?
Don’t hang onto a ‘someday, one day’ dream. Stop waiting. Get moving. There’s something gutsy about taking the next, courageous step without knowing where it will lead.
Feel it. Let yourself be drawn to all the things that interest, inspire and make you wonder. It’s only by tasting a little of everything that you’ll get to know your favourite flavours.
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Do you hear the grace in Emma's words that she knows how she wants to BE even if what to DO is still amorphous (and possibly even temporarily irrelevant)?
I, for one, am excited to witness this bright light along her path. You can too, by following her writing about her journey (and sharing inspiration) at her blog or connecting with her shining self on Twitter.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Raise your rates in the most elegant way possible: YOURS
Making the decision to raise your rates is a grade A biggie. There are good reasons to keep your old rate (everyone will be happy). And there are consequences to keeping your old rate (everyone will be happy except you...and you know how well THAT usually works out). Once you’ve made the decision to raise rates, all the negative self-talk and naysaying saboteurs/gremlins/inner critics love to show up for a feeding frenzy. They’re your first obstacle. And they hate nothing more than clarity. So that’s what you must feed them: a steady diet of straight talk.
Here's What You Tell Yourself (and Your Saboteurs)
Say this, loud and proud:
I am raising my rates because: 1) I know the value of my worth and it’s time that I was compensated accordingly. (This may mean saying “no” to brain-picking too…your call). 2) I know what I need to do to grow my business and raising my rates will allow me to create more. (More of what is up to you). 3) I have done my due diligence and I know what the market will bear. (Because you HAVE). 4) I know the value of my worth and it’s time that I was compensated accordingly. (This bears repeating…saboteurs like to pretend they didn’t hear you the first time).
So, that's what you say to your saboteurs...but let me be clear. How you handle your saboteurs is very different from how you handle your beloved clients.
Here’s What You Tell Your Clients
With respect and appreciation and clarity, state: “I am raising my rates next month.”
Period.
You could try to explain how your rate increase means you’ll be working with fewer clients and providing them with better service etc, but truthfully, when I’m on the receiving end of this speech, it rarely resonates. I get it. You’re in business. And you deserve to be compensated. But as your client, I’d like to know:
“What’s the impact on me?”
At this point, you have two choices:
1) Temporarily grandfather the existing rates of your current clients and in doing so give them a couple of months grace before the new rates take effect. If you do so, it remains important that you tell them about the increase. If you’re good (and you must be, you rate-raiser, you) they are referring you to others. And if that’s so, you must educate your sales force – a.k.a “your clients” – about your price. No one likes sticker shock.
2) Have your existing clients start paying your new rate immediately. If this is the case, I am hoping that you have managed expectations early in the hiring process. When I start work with my coaching clients, we typically agree to a three month arrangement at a given price ($400/month + tax, if you’re curious). In our written agreement, I have included this caveat: Client and coach will discuss any rate increase at least one month prior to the agreement ending in order to establish a new agreement. People like surprises even less than they like sticker shock.
Will clients walk away?
The simple answer is...possibly.
Possibly yes, possibly no.
If you opt for choice #2, then it’s possible they have become quite comfortable with the old rate and they may believe your new rate is outside of the perceived threshold of what they can handle. DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. You can either try to convince them the work you’re doing together is every bit as valuable as it ever was (feel the energy drain?), or you can invest that energy in finding new clients that are happy to pay your new rate (feel the energy lift?).
And for those who choose to walk away, lovingly hand them a list of people in your field that offer their services at the lower rate. It’s a classy and unforgettable act of generosity. No regrets, no hard feelings. Just expansive growth. Stand as a model for your clients. Chances are good it’s time they raised their rates too. Show them how to raise rates in the most elegant and masterful way possible.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Tara Sophia Mohr
Remember that beach vacation when you were a kid and your older sibling was off chasing boys (or girls) and you were on your own? And your parents, who were more interested in their sangria than managing your social life, distractedly waved you off to “go make a friend” and it seemed impossible in that moment until you saw HER and went over and said: “let’s be friends” and she said yes?
For me, that was Tara Sophia Mohr. We’ve been hanging out on the same beach for a while now and I’ve always been curious about her and her sandcastles (they always seem SO WELL put together). And do you recall the 2012 planning post wherein I declared my search for a publicist and I committed to “Ask my coaching colleagues/peers who they work with (by Dec 31, 2011)”?
That’s what I did. I asked the girl with the well constructed (and beautiful) sandcastle for a Skype chat and she said yes.
I knew she was wise. I knew she was wonderful. What I wasn’t prepared for was how WARM she is. (Frequent and regular Skype tea dates are in the works.)
If you don’t know her, here’s what she’s up to in this world. She’s an expert on women's leadership and women's wellbeing. She has created the wildly popular "10 Rules for Brilliant Women" and the 6-month Playing Big women's leadership program(full disclosure: that there is an affiliate link), Tara's work has been featured on The Today Show, ForbesWoman, USA Today, More Magazine and is regularly published in Huffington Post. She received her undergraduate degree from Yale University and her MBA from Stanford University. Tara is also the author of Your Other Names: Poems for Wise Living.
Cerebral and soulful stuff. Interested in hearing about her path? Me too.
What's your thing?
Tara Sophia Mohr: My thing is being Tara. These days (these years, really,) that generally looks like this:
bringing women’s voices into the worldhelping women play biggerspeaking-writing-communicating to bring about the world I want to see. every day there is something new to say. I love saying it.letting poems come through.creating beauty. basking in beauty.laughing in community, being with friends, being over the moon happy that you (and you, and you and you) exist and are right here, with me!being silly and dancing around the apartment cracking up my husband.compassion, compassion, compassion, because compassion is the natural expression of wisdom, the fruit of seeing things as they really are.
Note on the above: nothing in my life is linear. So please picture these words in a big swirling circle, not in a list.
Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights...or something else?
Tara Sophia Mohr: It was a return. It was a return to my childhood dreams. I’m not someone who was fundamentally confused about what my thing was, though I spent many years saying “I don’t know what my thing is.” Translation: “My thing might be that thing I’ve been dreaming of since I was five, but frankly that thing seems too impractical and scary to go for, so I’ll ignore that and take some career assessment tests instead.”
I don’t think we all “find” our things. I did some combination of remember, recover, listen and experiment my way into my thing.
There was a time in my life about four years ago when I made a pretty radical shift toward living a more authentic life and career. I don’t know what caused that to happen on one day and not another, but the change felt precipitated by intensifying pain: the pain of the inauthentic way of living grew great enough that I was willing to face the discomfort involved in change.
When the old shoe really, really, really gets uncomfortable? That’s when I often start to make change. But what causes the shoe to get uncomfortable at a certain point? Something mysterious, something that has to do, I believe, with the timeline of our soul’s unfoldment.
Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how'd you vanquish them?
Tara Sophia Mohr: For me, life has often felt like trying to sew together two pieces of fabric: one piece is my authentic self. The things she loves. Her natural, confident, uninhibited, blissed-out self. Picture a happy five year old, totally unself-conscious, in her element, doing her thing. That’s piece of fabric #1.
The other piece of fabric is the world: the more competitive, judgmental landscape where that natural self was not always welcomed or safe or validated.
How to sew the two together? How to make them connected, so I can move across them easily? How to walk in the world as my authentic self comfortably and confidently – to say what I had to say – no matter how radical or how ridiculed?
That has been my primary challenge. What has helped me has been in part outer: having powerful support people in my life –community, teachers, friends – who gave me tools and championed my dreams when I was just getting started in listening to them and acknowledging them. But inner work has been equally important, particularly work around 1) clarifying my vision 2) understanding what the inner critic is and how it operates and 3) getting wise about how to deal with fear.
The programs I lead are very informed by what has most helped me – and what most helps the other women I work with.
What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments...and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?
Tara Sophia Mohr: Some of my favorite questions:
What is my message to share in this situation, my unique truth? (Note: if no one else sees what you are saying or is talking about what you are thinking, that makes your perspective more needed, not less; more valuable not less).
What does my heart need in order to follow itself? (In any situation to ask your heart, “Dear heart: what do you need right now, to follow yourself?”)
How can I be a representative of love in this situation? (This question has saved me a hundred times. Saved me from pettiness, fear-based responses, aggression and brought me right back into love. You be surprised how well it works in business environments too.)
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I'm appreciating the notion of the two fabrics. I'm appreciating her powerful questions. I'm appreciating the power of support systems. And I'm appreciating the worn shoe metaphor. I'm appreciating it all.
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Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
My Christmas wish list for you...
We celebrate Christmas on the Eve with my family. It is a quieter affair, with smoked salmon, pierogies + boeuf bourguignon (always), Christmas story reading, stockings (each item, no matter how small, yields an appreciative "ooohhhhHHH" so this is a very long, very humourous ordeal). Once our daughter reluctantly goes off to sleep clutching her bear, the adults will sit together, listening to Mahalia Jackson tell us what her heart knows about Christmas, then get lost in our own thoughts about Christmas Eve's gone by. Mine will stray to that magical Christmas Eve in Innsbruck, or to the first Christmas spent with my boyfriend (now husband) when he gave me the Led Zeppelin box set (uh huh) and Coco Chanel. We will miss my Mom.
Once Santa visits (usually around 11pm...odd), we will wake our girl up and she will be bleary-eyed and searching for proof of his visit, grilling us on the details. Her heart's desire will be wrapped in shimmery paper and this will quell any more discussion. For now.
And it will be beautiful.
The next day, we'll spend it with my husband's family. It's a large family so everything will be a little, MORE. Many presents, many people, many stories, many memories.
And it will be beautiful.
I am more grateful than I could ever express that I get to be with two families where there is love. In several different homes where there is food and light and heat. Where there are happy, healthy children.
In fact, I feel a little overcome by it all.
So today, as I charge around, picking up last minute things for the "ooohhhhHHHs" of the stockings, pop in to visit friends for some cheer, and try not to fret that the (PERFECT) gift I found for my husband seems to be stuck at the US-Canadian border, I will keep checking my look in the mirror to make sure what I'm feeling in my heart is found in a smile on my lips.
I am also grateful to you, Dear One. That I get to do the work I get to do is an honour. That I get to write to this blog (and that you read it and love it and tell me in your comments, in your emails, and with your subscriptions) makes my heart fuller still.
So, until we meet on the other side of Boxing Day, here's my Christmas wish list for you:
That you set your intentions for how you want these holidays to be, so that there are no regrets.
That you have it be easy.
That you enjoy being as gracious of a receiver as you are a giver.
And once again, that your days are filled with warmth and love; that your mind is filled with curious wonder; and, that your heart is filled with joy.
Wishing you peace, elation + hydration (that smoked salmon can be a doozy).
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Megan Potter
Today's Thing Finding Thursday features a guest post by Megan Potter.
Megan is an an Archetypal Counselor & Chinese Face Reader. Yup, thought you might be curious about that. Read on to find out how she woke up (consistently at 1:00 am) to THAT.
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Fireworks, Epiphanies, and Gestating Things that all Come Into Being in their Own Time but are Really In There All Along.
I have the freaking coolest job in the world, seriously. I double dog dare you to find a job as cool as mine.
When I show off for fun (cause if you had my job you’d totally show off for fun too) I literally get to watch people’s jaws drop; they tell me I’m crazy - unbelievable, or they sit speechless with eyes wide. In fact, their reactions are so much fun that my husband likes to use me as entertainment at boring parties and in large groups.
My totally, way cool, job is to read people’s faces. Not their expressions, not their feelings, but their noses and eyebrows and foreheads and cheeks. (For example, I can tell you that with cheeks like that Tanya is a Woman of Authority who can handle being the boss, but also demands a certain pride in everything she does.) [ed. note: oooooh, she's gooood]
My work is centered around Chinese Face Reading, but that’s not my Thing. It’s just one vehicle that lets me express my thing.
Rewind to two, three, years ago.
It’s approximately 1:00 am, and I’m curled up on the couch with a book and pen. Everyone has gone to their respective beds and I’m soaking up the dark stillness, allowing myself to be swept up in this treasure I recently found, my first book on Chinese Face Reading. I’m not even at the face reading part, I’m still only in the front matter: the stuff on why the author (who would later become my teacher) thinks This Work matters.
Every now and then I need to set this book down. I need to tug it away from my body so that the electric shock it is radiating though me can release enough to let me catch my breath.
She is talking about the importance of knowing ourselves, about her work of being a mirror for others so they can rediscover - have affirmed - that Self for themselves.
And fireworks are going off inside of me. I can’t sit still. I have to stand up, then sit down again, to keep reading.
How could I have missed that? Of course that’s my thing. I’ve known it all along, I just never knew it before.
My work is Chinese Face Reading, but my Thing is seeing people’s souls and empowering them to live from their selves. It always has been, even when I had no bloody idea what I was going to do with myself.
Rewind to Six years before that.
It’s approximately 1:00 am; everyone’s in bed and I’m sitting in front of my computer chatting it up on my favorite forum. The flicker of the computer screen is the only light in the house, the clack of my keyboard seems to echo deathly loud.
A friend posts: “I’m having a coaching session tomorrow, wish me luck.”
What’s a coaching session?
I click the link she, so kindly, provides.
A new world opens in front of me as I read a blurb: What is Coaching?
I could feel it, energy moving up my body, my stomach flips, my heart pounds to the rhythm, “This is me. This is me. This is me.” I could feel it throbbing through me.
It’s me, it’s who I’ve always been, what I’d always been doing - even when I had no freaking clue what I could do with my life.
Fireworks I can’t contain push me to my groggy (formerly asleep) husband’s bedside, “Oh my God Jeff, you have to listen to this!”
Fast Forward 3 or 6 years from now
It’s approximately 1:00 am and I’m up reading, or surfing, or chatting - when I should clearly be in bed. But the dark, quiet, aloneness brings me to a place of internal stillness nothing else does.
I’ve found a new idea, a fascinating article, amazing person and one more thing is expanding within me. I can feel it, the energy rush that confirms this is exactly the thing I needed to find at this exact moment. There are fireworks and excitement, and something clicks into place for me.
As a result my work - my job - will grow, expand, or maybe shrink - or even leap, take an entirely new shift. But when it happens, I’ll stand there open mouthed (like so many of my Face Reading clients), and say: This is me. As soon as I see it I’ll know it’s true, has always been true, even when there was no way I could possibly define it before.
I’m not the least bit worried about it though, because I know whatever happens at that 1:00 am epiphany I’ll still be looking into soul’s, I’ll still be empowering and affirming and reflecting back every gorgeous Self that plants itself in front of me.
Because that’s my Thing, and my Thing is ME.
Which is why I’m constantly walking through life with eyes raised, arms open, and heart singing just waiting for Fireworks and Epiphanies knowing they’ll only take me closer to who I already am.
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You can find Megan Potter at her blog, on Facebook or on Twitter. She does one-on-one Face Reading sessions, teaches the Five Elements, and offers Elemental self-care retreats.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Have it be easy
I am so over the whole "for-it-to-be-important-it-must-be-hard" thing. That’s never worked for me. Oh, I’ve tried it. I’ve white-knuckled and fretted, and all it's ever won me was this worry line (the one that yielded the “have you thought of Botox?” question from the dermatologist). No.
Ease is my new port of call. Yours too?
Here are some thoughts on how to make alllll easier.
Decide to make it easier. (Just like that).
When you notice yourself clenching up, ask yourself: how can this be easier? Inhale and release your shoulders on the exhale. Proceed.
Know your values. If you ignore everything else, please don’t ignore this one. They inform E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G you do.
Evernotes for your smart phone. Super smart, super easy way to remember everything.
Whether you scrapbook or not, document every kid-ism you can. (Evernotes!)
Short bursts of exercise burn goodly amounts of calories and fit into your day (like, 10 minutes of running). Making excuses takes more time than that.
You can never give (or receive) enough hugs in this lifetime.
When you clink those glasses, do like your mama told you and look the other person in the eye. Acknowledgment is a gift.
If you’re Canadian, get yourself a TFSA and add the option of saving 50 cents from every Interac transaction. Set it and forget it, (because invisible savings rocks my socks.)
When it just doesn’t want to be written, record yourself talking about it. Have that transcribed. (Trust me…)
Know that you have permission. Always did.
Take three hours once/month to get your bookkeeping up to date.
Keep the pulp from your morning green juice in a freezer bag and make a vegetable stock when the bag’s full. Start with olive oil, onions + garlic, throw in the pulp, add water +bay leaf and simmer for as long as you like. You’ll be tweeting about how virtuous you feel.
Next time you’re stuck, try a handstand against the wall. Oh, don’t worry about it being elegant…it won’t be.
Remember Master Godin’s words: Go ahead, fail. Try to avoid mistakes, though.
Know how to fill in this blank: I am ridiculously good at __________. (This is your super power…knowing it will come in handy).
Set big + beautiful goals that make your heart soar. Then break them down into the smallest, most delicious morsels you can. Savour.
Cut corners, but be clear about which ones must stay sharp.
Know the difference between fear and intuition.
Write a love letter. To your business. To your self. To your love. To your daughter. To your father. To your ideal client. To your future spouse. The universe loves love and rewards it with ease.
“No, but thanks for asking”. You must stretch this muscle, otherwise your yes’s have no value. And what a colossal waste of energy that is.
Clarity will set you free from the shackles of “hard”.
You could say it, but you could also sing it. (Insta-mood lift).
Bootstrap until you can hire the very very best.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.