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Thing Finding Thursday with Jasmine Lamb of All is Listening
I missed you last week, Dear Reader. iMovie and I were having a lovers' quarrel and it was trying to keep us apart. We're on speaking terms again and I am thrilled to share with you the interview I did with Jasmine Lamb.
As a coach, one of my skills is the capacity to listen to my clients at different levels. I listen for what they say, and to what they DON'T say. I listen to the pauses in speech, to the speed of the words and from whence said words come (diaphragm, throat, nose...it all indicates something different). So, yeah. I'm pretty skillish. And yet, YET, this woman has brought me to my knees. She is a LISTENER. A masterful listener who energetically reminded me to sloooowwww waayyyy, WAAAAYYY down.
Jasmine works one-on-one with people through her Healing Heart Sessions. She writes the blog All is Listening: Tools and Tales for Breaking Up, Waking Up, and Falling in Love. She is author of the forthcoming digital book, A Call to Listen: How to Start an Inner Revolution.
She has plenty of thoughts for you Thing-seekers and non-seekers. {Hint: it has everything to do with listening.}
So please, get your cup of tea, settle into your comfiest chair, and give this a good listen. Then turn everything off and take the time and make the space to listen to your own self.
Interview with Jasmine Lamb for Thing Finding Thursday
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Ooooh yes. Stop and listen. What is your life, right now, trying to tell you?
You can find Jasmine at her blog, All is Listening and on Twitter.
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Edited Transcript of Interview with Jasmine Lamb For Thing Finding Thursday
Jasmine: My thing is listening. And when I say listening what I am talking about is listening first to my experience in this moment and to what is arising for me right here. And extending out from there is listening to the environment, to the actual sounds, and then also having from this place of presence, listening to others.
Tanya: I suspect it’s always been with you but it hasn’t been articulated as such.
Jasmine: That’s right. It always has been with me and I’ve always almost known it, but haven’t quite and I’ve been confused about it. Because what was reflected back to me when I was younger, both as a child and a teenager and then in my career in my twenties, was my skill in relating to people and in listening to people and my skill in taking care of people. And I have really powerful skills in this area and I got enormous amounts of positive feedback from it. And at that stage in my life I was confused into thinking that the thing that I got lots of positive feedback about and the place where I got all the compliments and the place where people gave me attention, that that was my thing;
Jasmine: I was a fixer and a problem solver and a hand holder and a “let’s navigate this divorce successfully” person.
And that’s all a part of me. It still is; I have those skills. I want to use those skills. But, it wasn’t entirely feeding my soul.
Tanya: So there was a point at which you went from this listener in this capacity to another kind of listener. The listener that is very informed by your center – so what was that shift?
Jasmine: It was a culmination of catastrophes. I woke up one day five years ago, ready to go to work. I felt a pain in my side and it brought me to the ground. And as I descended, my back seized up. And I just couldn’t move.
And what first was my back being seized up transitioned to something where the bottom fell out of all my senses. I couldn’t tolerate sound; I couldn’t tolerate fast movement or even slow movement.
Jasmine: What I could be with was the very quietest, most still part of the center of me. That was where I could be. And I had touched that place in my life, but I had never really rested there. It gave me this incredible opportunity to rest within myself and to listen there. And really to listen in the moment there . When we are really listening, we are open to what we don’t know.
Tanya: I’m sensitive to that person who’s listening and saying, “Okay, but I haven’t known what my thing is for my whole life and now I’m open to being open to it and I want to find my damned thing.” I feel that there’s that sense of urgency, so I think that you have a lot to offer in this realm of confusion and bless you and I hope that comes across with the respect that I mean for it to. But I know that you have a belief that confusion, that feeling lost is actually a really powerful place so will you say more about that?
Jasmine: When we are lost it doesn’t feel powerful; it feels often miserable. Particularly when we are trying to get out of feeling lost. When I have been able to accept my lost-ness, and often it comes because I just am so fed up and so exhausted and so at my wit’s end that I just say, “Okay, I am lost. I don’t know what I need. I don’t know what is next and I don’t know what my thing is.” And then, I can feel it right now, I just took this big breath. My body, my being, sighs a sigh of relief that is like, “Great. You are accepting where you actually are.”
And from that place, knowing really does come.
So if I was working with a client around this, you would actually slow way down and I would give them this opportunity to feel the sensations of felt sense. Their physical sensations that are coming up in this wanting and desire and lost-ness. And let those unfold and let those unwind.
Tanya: I love this – on your site. Breaking up, waking up, falling in love and I was wondering if you could play with me and knit that into the context of finding your thing or stitch it in for me.
Jasmine: But for those people who are seeking their thing, they’re on a journey and what I think is exciting is that your life is going to take you there if you will listen to it. And if you’re willing to go for the ride, which might mean some breaking up happening and it doesn’t happen consecutively; it all gets mixed up. You’re going to wake up to what is true for you and it might not be what you expected and it might be scary.
Tanya: What is it that you want for people who are watching this right now who may be looking for their thing or trying to claim their thing or in process or maybe they think they found it but they’re feeling, “Is this it?” What do you want for them?
Jasmine: I want them to open to the possibility that their thing is inside of them. And that they can move towards it by trusting themselves and slowing down to include more parts of themselves in the conversation.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Things I love in 400 words
Inspired by Schmutzie, a brilliant light I met back in October at the BlissDom Canada conference, I present you: things I love in 400 words. Because seriously, people... isn't now the perfect time to take stock of your own loves? Yes indeed.
I love 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, martinis with onions AND olives, olives, lily of the valleys, crusty baguettes, warm puppy smell, popcorn with romano cheese, a clever turn of phrase, covertly watching my daughter play host on an imaginary cooking show, listening to her sing Fountains of Wayne (or Foo Fighters, or Bon Iver or anything else on our iPod), my father’s bear hugs (because it means he’s not in pain in that moment), “just because” postcards, Diptyque candles (Les Baies, natch, though Figue is a close second), Amarone, crunchy fall leaves, listening to kids sing the national anthem, having the door held open for me, the smell of my husband’s scalp, whoopee cushions, an unloaded dishwasher, brainstorming sessions, savasana, the sound of my aunt’s laugh (it’s like my Mom’s, oh God how I miss my Mom), when my daughter reaches for my hand, smart people who make me feel smart, stargazing in the backyard under duvets, little girls plotting in the tree house, how fabulous my ass looks in luon, the smell of orange blossoms, airport reunions, the bittersweetness of Christmas carols, sticky notes, really really old cheddar + fall apples, older couples holding hands, crystalline snow, Sunday afternoon cooking sessions, the kindness of strangers, Liz Lemon, getting up (sometimes) on a surf board, “I love you, Tanya Geisler, because” notes, prosecco with my girls, grass stains, a purring cat on my pillow, being called “Mama”, the lobby of the Park Plaza, smart design for small spaces, frozen grapes, the reverberation of a powerful question, the way the house shakes when my daughter plays with her cousins, kale, the stage, squeaky clean post-dentist teeth, heated floors, watching cats nod off to sleep, the way my husband says my name, pressing “publish”, a shin splint-free run, inari tofu, weighty pens, double rainbows (though a single will do in a pinch), the beaches of Georgian Bay, the song of the ice cream truck (no matter how evil it sounds), a healthy jade plant, waking up to PayPal payment notifications, Japanese gardens, collaborations that make sense, the riotous colours of Chagall, tear-streaming belly laughs (especially the ones with my sister), Chicago’s waterfront, when it works juuuust right, attentive (but not cloying) waiters, impromptu campfire sing-a-longs (especially when Lisa yells “HONEY” during The Gambler), my husband’s Thurston Howell III imitation, recognition + acknowledgment, and this from my beautiful friend Michelle Ward:
Your turn. What do you love?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Susannah Conway
To me, Susannah Conway is beauty. (And I'm not just talking about those eyebrows). She's everything that I appreciate: Honest. Smart. Curious. Forthright. Raw. Elegant. No bullshit. Quirky. Transparent. Brilliant.
Yes. To me, she is beauty.
So it's no surprise that her work is also about beauty. Capturing and curating as a photographer, writer and the creator of the wildly popular Unravelling e-courses. A Polaroid addict and very proud aunt (love!), her first book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart (Globe Pequot Press), launches in June 2012. Registration for her next Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Self class opens this Saturday, December 3rd.
...curious as to how she found her way? Me too.
What's your thing?
Susannah Conway: I help women reconnect to their true selves using photography as the key the open the door. I do this by leading online classes in photography and self awareness, and blogging honestly about the stuff I know to be true. Next year I’ll be spilling my guts in a book, too.
Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights...or something else?
Susannah Conway: I found my thing by experiencing it first and then sharing what I’d discovered with others. In 2005 the man I loved died very suddenly and everything I thought I knew about life changed in that instant. Now I look back and see that my life has unfolded in two acts: in the first 32 years I was lost and disconnected from myself. In the last seven years I’ve healed and become the person I am today.
I found my way back to myself through my cameras and journals. For as long as I can remember writing has been the way I figure stuff out and connect with how I’m feeling. I’ve always kept a journal so it was very natural for me to write my way through my grief. In the second year of my bereavement I discovered blogging and it opened up this whole new creative world to me. Being able to share my thoughts and feelings online was incredibly empowering — it was my way of ‘getting back out there’ from the safety of my living room. I started re-exploring self portraiture, which helped me to see myself again — literally, but also as the woman I was becoming, a woman working her way through loss and finding herself again. There were so many layers to unravel and the healing went far deeper than the bereavement alone.
My Unravelling course began as a local evening class and drew inspiration from my healing journey. I brought my photography and journalling ideas together and shared them with a room full of women. To my surprise the class was a great success! As blogging was such an important part of my life it seemed natural to find a way to share the class online somehow. So in 2009 I did, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how'd you vanquish them?
Susannah Conway: 1. Who am I to do this? I can’t say this doubt has been fully vanquished yet. It lingers around me like a bad smell and every time I break through a new boundary it whirls up again and tries to trip me up. All I can do is calm myself down, cross my fingers and keep moving forward. Writing my book brought up a lot of doubt and the anticipation of seeing the finished book out in the world is already starting to fill my stomach with butterflies (actually, no, butterflies sound far too light and pretty — these are more like evil moths) but I will keep going nevertheless.
2. How can I do this? I procrastinated a LOT when creating the online version of Unravelling because I was scared. Scared I’d fail. Scared no one would take a chance on my thing. So I let the technical practical side overwhelm me. I’d do anything other than what needed to be done to build the course. I vanquished that fear by doing it one tiny little step at a time and then setting a public deadline — that was very motivating :)
3. What if it’s no good? The perfectionist’s reason to not start something! This one has been easier to wrangle with every project I complete. I try to trust that what I put out into the world will be exactly what someone out there needs in that moment. This has been my experience on so many occasions I’m starting to believe that when we do the work we feel called to do it will take flight in the way it is supposed too. It might take a lot of guts, and a shedload of patience, but hard work and faith really can get you there.
What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments...and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?
Susannah Conway:
What do I have to offer?What would I do even if I wasn’t getting paid?What comes easily to me?
The answers to those three question have shaped my work life and business. I think it’s really important to pay attention to how you already spend your time. For me it was blogging/being online, journalling and taking photographs. Those were the constants in my day and the three skills that helped bring my thing into being.
And be aware of what makes you feel most like YOU, too. Try to be transparent in all you do, and do the work that makes your heart sing the loudest. If you’re truly passionate about what you do you’ll be more willing to devote all your time and energy to making it work — because that’s what any fledging business or project needs. Give it everything you have, and make it the most honest version of you and your beliefs/desires/dreams. For example, I spent a year trying to make my portrait business grow, networking locally and pimping out my talents for jobs and commissions. At the end of the year I was drained and uninspired, and not wanting to put myself out there any more; I’d thought that was the sort of photography work I should be aiming for, but it just left me depleted.
A few months later, when I was asked to create a photography evening class, I suddenly found myself doing work that inspired me SO MUCH it’s lead to the creation of a full-time business. I’m still using my photography skills, just in a more authentic way. Once I was doing something that was more “me”, everything seemed to start working, business-wise. Life-wise, too.
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So much richness and texture here. Notice the medicine that heals you may be the medicine that heals others. Notice what depletes you (and stop doing it). Notice what you're being asked to do. Notice the power of public deadlines.
And what I'm really hoping you're noticing is how people who are really, REALLY happy with their thing have managed to stitch their skills, loves and desires together. Are you seeing that? In spite of fears? In spite of doubts?
So let's start there: what are THREE things that make you feel most like you?
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You can find Susannah Conway at her site; on Twitter; or Facebook. Find her and revel in beauty. And then sign up for her Unravelling: Ways of Seeing My Selfclass and revel in your own. You just may find your thing there.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Setting Yourself up for Success in 2012 in Seven Easy Steps (and Ginsu Knives)
Whattahook, eh? “Setting Yourself up for Success”? In "seven steps"? Sensing you're in for some kind of cheesy post, aren't you? You're not.
But you ARE about to get the value of one or two coaching sessions with me in this here monster post, if you do your work.
Ready?
"Success" has such an amorphous quality that it’s almost benign to me. (You too?)
If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.
― Albert Einstein
What does success mean to YOU and where are you at on that spectrum right now?
Let's find out, Tiger.
Draw a circle on a piece of paper and intersect four lines so that there are eight pie wedges.
Now, assign each pie wedge a different label, each area representing a different aspect of your life.
This is a tool from CTI (called “The Wheel of Life”) and they recommend you label the sections:
Career, Money, Health, Friends and Family, Significant Other/Romance, Personal Growth, Fun and Recreation, Physical Environment
You can download CTI's Wheel of Life here (it’s on page 2).
I usually have my clients fill out the wheel before we even start working together, so we can get clear on where they are, and where they are going. But I’m finding that the eight categories aren’t representing the full picture, so we’re getting creative with our own categories: sexuality; soul work; relationship with children; relationship with parents etc etc and etc.
And for my solopreneur clients, “career” isn’t quite cutting the fullness of the entrepreneurial experience. So some do a wheel for their personal life, as well as one for their business, while others choose to do a mash-up on the same wheel.
The business wheel could have categories such as: Marketing; Sales; Operations; Accounting; Strategic Planning; PR; Innovation and Development; Customer Service, Communications; Results; Leadership/Team Development; Licensee Management; Flexibility; Productivity and so on. Totally specific to YOU.
(You could also do a wheel for how well your team is performing, or can take a look at your own management process. Those will have different categories still.)
There could be much, MUCH debate about what encompasses “leadership” or “customer service”. I don’t need to be right, I just need you to know what YOU mean by leadership or customer service. On my own wheel of business, I have a Ha-Cha-Cha Factor. This means everything to me and possibly nothing to you. It’s my personal reference point of resonance: am I doing work I love? Is my heart soaring? Am I being philanthropic? Am I collaborating on fabulous projects? It’s super clear to me what it means in any given moment.
Once you have your wheel drawn out (or printed out), assign a number that represents your CURRENT level of satisfaction in that area. Zero – 10, where zero is at the centre where the lines intersect and 10 will be at the perimeter. Zero means you are completely dissatisfied and 10 is, well, a 10. This is COMPLETELY subjective so don’t overthink it. Once you’ve plotted your number, draw a line, creating a new outer edge for that section and do the same for all 8.
If you’re like most people with a pulse, your wheel will be anything but perfectly round. And if you imagine that wheel going down a hill, you’ve GOT to know that it would be a bumpy ride.
No need for judgment. It's just a snapshot.
Now dive on in to EACH area of the wheel:
What’s working in this area? What do I want to celebrate? What’s NOT working? What do I want more of?
And most importantly:
IF THIS WERE A 10, WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
Go on and write this down. (THIS IS HUGE).
So, you have your vision (life in all realms at a 10) and you have your reality: one bumpy-assed wheel.
Let’s bridge the two, shall we?
Wherein I show you mine
Here’s my wheel:
Clearly, some areas are working very well and other areas could use a bit o’ loving: namely PR. It’s been on the back burner while I focused on other aspects of my work (which accounts for the higher levels of satisfaction in those realms. (Clarity and attention work wonders for satisfaction levels).
I’m pretty clear about what would be going on if PR were at a 10 in my biz:
1) I’d have a solid PR plan in place.
2) A rock star publicist would be working the plan like it was her job, ‘cause, like, it WOULD be her job.
3) She’d actually be enjoying the interesting challenge of keeping up with the media demands for my time: Some TV work, some radio, some writing…all delicious.
Yes, that feels like a 10 for me.
So, moving towards that “10” will require action.
And goals.
SMART Goals for the Smart Set
I usually have my clients set two SMART goals per area. I’ve written about this before, but let's recap. For a goal to be SMART, it needs to be:
S = Specific (you know EXACTLY what you want to accomplish)
M = Measurable (you know when you’ve succeeded in doing it)
A = Actionable (you know you can move forward and have evidence to back it up)
R = Resonant (it’s aligned with your values and you’re driven to accomplish it)
T = Thrilling (it’s going to be a thrill to accomplish it).
(BTW, R + T = where the honey’s at)
By looking at what a “10” would be like for me in PR, you can probably guess what my two goals will be for that area, non?
Hire a rock star publicist.
Create a PR plan.
Once I decide "by when", then both of these goals will meet my SMART criteria. AND each goal will require upwards of 5 action items to make it happen.
For me to hire that Publicist, I’m going to have to go find her.
So, here’s my plan:
For those of you who can't read Tanyawriting, here's my plan:
Write a job description (by Dec 9th, 2012)
Ask my coaching colleagues/peers who they work with (by Dec 31, 2011)
Reach out to my media contacts to see who they recommend (by Jan 31, 2012)
Interview 10 candidates (month of Feb, 2012)
Make decision (by Feb 24, 2012)
Some obstacles may show up in the process. Some will be real: there may be few suitable candidates. Some will be my own saboteurs (“you can't really afford to take this on right now” or “you’re being too lazy…just do it yourself”). In all cases, I will have a workaround (aka "planned response").
I usually plan for a reward once the goal has been completed, but in this case, having this extra person on my team is the reward in and of itself.
So, your turn.
Create your wheel of life, of business or of life+business (with the most resonant and personally meaningful labels you can muster).
Assess your level of satisfaction in each area.
Ask yourself: What’s working in this area? What do I want to celebrate? What’s NOT working? What do I want more of? AND IF THIS WERE A 10, WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
Based on what that 10 would look like, create two SMART goals for each area.
For each SMART goal, create your action plan.
Work it like your (version of) success depends on it. It does.
Rinse and repeat quarterly.
And THAT, my friend, is how you will succeed.
Your definition + Your plan = Your success.
(Go ahead and celebrate that win - and saving the cost of a couple of coaching session - by treating yourself to a brand new set of Ginsu knives for your soda can slicing pleasure).
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Today’s Thing Finding Thursday is brought to you by the word: Ease
On this path to finding, claiming, or wooing your thing, there can be the propensity to white-knuckle it.
Today, my first request is:
Don’t.
If you’ve been following this series, and listening to the combined wisdom of Pam, Kelly, Chris, Dyana, Jenny, Amy and Mary-Margaret, then you are well your way. If you’re citing your ingredients, noticing what lights you up, recognizing the impact you want to make in the world, engaging in willing (and playful) experimentation, playing at being an investigative reporter, talking to people who know you, then you are well, WELL on your way.
Find peace with not knowing (or holding) the answers. Yet.
Celebrate what you do KNOW. What you DO have. Give thanks.
rest.
relax.
don't sweat it.
it will come.
eat.
drink.
be merry.
If you’re NOT celebrating Thanksgiving, my request is the same:
rest.
relax.
don't sweat it.
it will come.
eat.
drink.
be merry.
I want you to believe that you know the difference between right and right now. – Dyana Valentine
Be kind to yourself and have it be easy. You’re getting there. Promise.
Love, Tanya
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Pam Slim of Escape from Cubicle Nation
Pam Slim. I adore Pam Slim - author of breakout book, Escape from Cubicle Nation (her blog with the same name is "one of the top career and marketing blogs on the web"); writer; coach; and former corporate manager who helps frustrated employees in corporate jobs break out and start their own business - and after this interview, I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't.
It's soooooo good. It's about finding the themes in your life, your body of work - which may encompass several 'things' - and about how to STOP DRIVING YOURSELF CRAZY trying to identify your one thing...
...and instead use your interests and 'list of personal ingredients' to start making a difference in the world.
Go ahead, make an impact. Pam Slim is about to tell you how.
Interview with Pam Slim for Thing Finding Thursday
-------- Genius. Let's start with where Pam Slim left us: what impact do YOU want to make on the world? And what list of ingredients can you contribute to this delicious world-changing stew?
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You can find Pam Slim at her blog, Escape from Cubicle Nation and on Twitter.
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Edited Transcript of Interview with Pam Slim For Thing Finding Thursday
Tanya Geisler: So, you know what we’re here to talk about. We’re here to talk about people finding their thing. So you want to tell us a little about your thing?
Pam Slim: I do. I have actually a lot of things to say about my thing because what I do is work with people generally who are wanting to start a business, so to make part of their thing the way in which they make money be in some way related to starting a business as opposed to a career.
And that path has come from a long time of working on the human side of business, first inside companies working within training and development and helping people to grow and develop within companies and then as an outside consultant where I worked in a whole bunch of companies to work with people to try to improve them from the inside. And then in the last six years I’ve escaped cubicle nation of working with corporate employees that want to leave and start a business.
So what’s interesting is although I have many, many conversations with people about what their thing is, I actually fundamentally don’t believe there is one thing for most people, which we can definitely get into.
I think that can be something that slips a lot of people up because they think the sky is going to open up and the answer is going to come and they’re going to know their thing and they’re going to tiptoe down through the pile of tulips for the rest of their life.
And it actually in my experience rarely happens like that.
Tanya: So how does it usually happen?
Pam: The broader context and the way I’m thinking about it lately is it’s related to your body of work.
So, your body of work is a way of thinking about everything that you do in the world, how you interact with people, the kinds of things you might physically produce, anything from needlepoint to a book to a whole generation of really fantastic entrepreneurs. (You know, if you’re somebody like a coach.)
And so your body of work doesn’t necessarily have to be around one particular thing.
If you think about your life’s work as including this huge body of work that can have some disparate pieces to it, it might reduce some anxiety for thinking that there has to just be this one thing.
SO what if you don't yet have a huge body of work to analyze?
Pam: just start to list ingredients. I call it listing your own personal ingredients. So you can say, “You know what? I have a little bit of coach in me and I really love music and I think music is a very powerful thing. And I’m totally fascinated by Apple products. And I really love Thailand.” Just begin to list all of the different ingredients that can just have you become aware of yourself and what your interests are.
And also include things like you talked about,
What are your personal values?
What are lines that you know you will never cross when it comes to ethics or personal values?
What are your strengths?
What are strengths that you have that you’ve noticed all the way through school?
Are you really analytical or are you great at presentations...?
So when you have your list of ingredients, what I tell my clients is just become ingredients in search of a recipe.
Once again, you can eat many different plates throughout the course of your life, so at a certain stage the recipe is found in problems in the world that are meant to be solved.
So to use a personal example, that’s part of what I saw when I did my own assessment of ingredients. I love to work with people, I love to coach, I’m fascinated by the start-up experience, I love business, I love marketing and growing businesses, there are a huge amount of people who are very highly qualified and competent who are coaching people how to do that. There are a ton of books written about it. But the gap that I’ve found is there were few people who were addressing the specific issue for corporate employees who wanted to leave their jobs and start a business and all of the issues that were associated with that.
So they would read all the books that just talked about, “Here are the ten steps to open for business.” These books would leave out things like how do you go through a massive identity shift? How do you tell your parents that you’re going to leave your job that they had worked so hard and spent all their money to send you through college to be a doctor or to be a lawyer and here you want to go open a cookie business or something, you know? How do you have those conversations, how do you deal with fear?
That, for me, was an example of taking my ingredients and finding a particular place in the market that had a need for the specific kind of thing that I wanted to develop. And so that has been my thing for the last six years.
Tanya: that piece where you recognize the opportunity or the transition, were those from personal experiences that you had where you were moving from this realm to that realm and sort of felt some of those pains yourself?
Pam: But for whatever reason, in my own life it’s always been pretty clear. And the way it generally appears is I’ll find the vein of what it is I want to be doing, and I might be in it and kind of put out that though like, “What is that next thing? What’s the next thing I want to do?” And things generally open up.
Now, that said, and the reason I say that is exactly for the reason that you and I have talked about before. It’s so annoying, it’s like somebody who if you struggle with that issue and it isn’t easy and it doesn’t come and there’s somebody like me. Like, “Just set the intention to the universe, man. It’ll come.” That is not helpful. And so that’s where I’ve learned working with different people that there are particular tools to use, you know?
But that said, I remember when I was getting ready for that transition between the corporate consulting, which I did for about nine years and escaped from cubicle nation. I was definitely in that whole stew of trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to do and I took a class with a woman named Suzanne Falter-Barns that was about developing an online presence. I had been trained as a life coach with Martha Beck and I loved her methodology, but I wasn’t totally vibing with just doing life coaching.
Tanya: Yeah.
Pam: Because I had this whole side that I really love business. And I spent a few months of really deep introspection of thinking about my market and sharing ideas and kind of moving things around and really putting myself intensely into figuring out what might that recipe be. And that’s when I eventually hit on “Escape from Cubicle Nation”, and it was something that evolved. I really didn’t, I had no idea it would turn into a book, I didn’t know it would be kind of a thing. But that’s an example of where many people I think don’t have appreciation for how long it takes sometimes to be stewing on ideas. So in one hand it’s totally okay if you’re stewing on ideas and you’re asking yourself questions, like I’m sure you’re going to be helping people with in the overall program and process...What are great questions to ask and how can you start to track things?
Tanya: Yeah. I think that that’s where the theme piece comes in as sort of a bit of saving grace. And you know, I think the comparison piece – it’s like that person, “I can do that, I can do that, and I can do that.” And I think that that piece there, we’re losing sight of the ingredients that we have. So when we look at what everybody else has around us they might have a little more cayenne than we have cumin or whatever that is.
Pam: Exactly.
Tanya: And so we just kind of can’t force that to happen.
What do you really want for somebody who’s watching this – knowing that the people who are watching this might be seekers, might be multi potential-ites, might be on the cusp of or feeling more lost than ever or whatever it is – what is it that you want them to take away from this?
What do you really want for them?
Pam: What I want is to reframe things in terms of instead of thinking about one thing that you have to figure out in order to be happy, just shift the focus to think about what is the kind of impact that you would love to make in the world.
But the other thing could be what is some bit of a problem or something that you just really want to address.
And it goes directly to what you talked about; Martha Beck calls it 'compare and despair'. Where you’re like, “Oh man, this is really my thing but look at this person! They’re cuter than me and they’ve done it for five years and oh my God they went to Harvard.” And you tell yourself all these stories.
For the most part, when you look at what impact needs to happen – especially around really large issues like helping people in their careers or solving hunger or inequity in the world – there is so much more need than the people who are actually serving that need.
Focus on where you can make an impact based on who it is that you are.
But really what’s important in the long term is the kind of impact and footprint that you’re going to leave on the earth...and if you’re spending all of your time in agony, beating yourself up because you don’t know the thing, then you’re missing this opportunity to be engaging in a bunch of really wonderful activities that are going to help make a difference in the world for things that you care about.
And that is often the really fertile ground for where it is that you end up finding out areas of deep passion is by doing things, not by stepping back in analyses
However, acting in the world and making impact is I think the way that you’re going to start to get better answers to the question.
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