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Thank you
I often forget to say it, hoping that my daily practice of gratitude captures it all. Yet I know that it doesn’t.
So thank you.
For being here when you could be somewhere else. Somewhere fancier. Somewhere smarter. Somewhere more elegant. Somewhere more hilarious. Somewhere hipper.
Oh yes, I have those thoughts.
And yet, you are here.
Thank you for reading my words.
Thank you for sharing your comments, sharing your dreams, sharing your goals, sharing your gifts.
Thank you for sharing my words with your "likes", "tweets" and "recommends".
Thank you for being patient, receptive, warm and loving as I grow and stretch and retreat and grow some more.
Thank you for asking me for what you need from me (please don’t ever stop…) It means we’re in relationship.
And for that, I am truly grateful.
Love,
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Big Leaps and Water Dragons
We all have dreams. Luxe dreams. Travel dreams. Book dreams. Stage dreams. Restaurant dreams. Peace dreams. Adventure dreams. Love dreams. Foo Fighter dreams. Freedom dreams. NYC dreams. Heal the world dreams. Glossy magazine dreams. Circumnavigating the globe on your own at 16 dreams. Yup. We all have them. They may look different, but they all come from the same place. The heart.
And I happen to have it on good authority (aka Twitter) that 2012 - The Year of the Water Dragon - will be a good year for dreams coming to life.
Cool.
While I don’t doubt the power and tenacity of a Dragon (really, that would be a foolish thing to do), let’s consider giving the Dragon a hand and getting our dreams off the ground, shall we?
Loving the leaps.
1. Get clear on what you want to do.And why. Because a “what” without a “why” is a “just because” or a “should”. And just becauses and shoulds won’t get you where you want to go. Fact.
My friend and the artiste behind the savvy + sa-weet design that is my site, Amanda Farough, got over her just becauses and shoulds and to mark the occasion, has just launched HER gorgeous new space. Get on her list (after you’ve taken the tour and drank in her sassy pants post of bigness) for 10 weeks (YUP!) of giveaways. You may win a Clarity Session with me.
2.Know that fear will want to hold you back and keep you small. That’s its one and only job. Review #1 and then answer this question from my friend Tara Sophia Mohr: Are you being more loyal to your fears, or to your dreams? (Registration for Tara’s Playing Big closes Jan 24th at midnight. If you’re keen on amplifying your impact, claiming your place and taming those fears, this may well be the journey for you.)
3.Keep it open, keep it expanded. Shenee Howard is launching Hot Brand Action today…a direct result of stepping into her starring role as writer and teacher. Hell’s YES. Watch the ground come up to meet her in the most glorious way.
4. Get support. Tell your friends, hire a coach (ahem), find a mentor. They’ll bolster you when you need it, keep your intentions set to “shine”. They want you to knock it out of the park. We all do, in fact. Count on it and welcome it in with heart and arms wide open.
5. Launch. Just like that.
C’mon now. Don’t leave it all in the talons of the Water Dragon. Make it happen for your own fine self in 2012.
XO
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Sabrina Ali
©Imaging by Marlis 2011 Vancouver, BC
When Sabrina Ali first reached out to me via Kelly Diels, she said: "My 'thing' is resumes". I'll 'fess up: since I left my corporate gig in 2006, I haven't thought much about resumes (with the exception of including one in my own business plan). Those dreary under two-paged, Times New Roman, 1.5 line spaced, centred contact info ("make sure you don't have a partygrrrl69@ email address") documents that seem to breathe "meh, this is good enough". SO. BEIGE. So, given that this delightful young woman came to me through Kelly (and I've only met incredible, anything-but-beige stars through her), I imagined that Sabrina would offer my readers some fabulous tips about sassing up their resumes. And that that would be good.
Between the months that have elapsed since that request and this posting, it's truly blissful to see Sabrina claim her REAL thing: uncovering vocation.
Boo Yah.
So please, dig into this wise young woman's delicious words. And see what covers start to peel back for you.
What's your thing?
Sabrina Ali: Here’s “the” thing first:
The simplest thing that you do is your gift to the world. You need no thanks because it’s a pleasure just to be able to do it. And you can absolutely create a life out of doing this seemingly simple thing because you do it uncommonly well.
The dilemma?
Not everyone knows how to express, name or talk about the meaningful thing they do with specificity. It’s under a lot of clutter.
So my thing? Where do I come in?
I uncover vocation. I help articulate enthusiasm (with my compassionate investigative querying nature) and facilitate the design of strategies to create vocation-centred living. It’s all concrete; it’s all marketable and totally professional.
I’ve personally been working with people on creating vocation-centred lives my entire life. I was designed this way. Over the last eight years alone I’ve worked in career transition coaching, self-development facilitation, career and education advisement, and employee engagement roles.
It’s (like seriously long over-due) time to re-imagine our concept of work. Work is not just about a means to an end, it’s about creating a life that integrates all parts of you.
Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights...or something else?
Sabrina Ali: Finding my thing was all of the above and something else (as you say). It was a matter of putting all the clues together:
A culmination of insights: I used to be a career workshop junkie. If someone was holding one, having one, giving one then I was there. They were fun to me. Some were better than others and whether I was looking for a job or not, I went. At some point, I started to offer my insights to the other participants. At some point, I started to become the teacher. Who me?!?
A divine revelation: I used to drop everything, clear everything in my schedule, move my schedule around, and even create a schedule around helping people with their career and education strategies. I just couldn’t help myself. And I especially loved the results - phone calls, emails, or coffee and dinner dates with people to celebrate job and school program offers. People were feeling “on their path,” they were making more money, feeling happier. Hearing this news was the equivalent of ... well, I’m almost embarrassed to say, but it was like having really great sex. Every. Single. Time.
The revelation: My enthusiasm is a force to be reckoned with. And so is everyone else’s. And I define this particular enthusiasm as: Clarity of purpose in total alignment with intention - where being and the task are one.
My insane invention: I have an insane invention being invented right now! I’m in the midst of creating the ultimate self-guided digital vocation exploration kit. It’s called the Bliss Kit and it’s for fellow heroes and heroines who yearn for self-discovery; who want to create careers and lives with a sense of energy-giving purpose. This is the quintessential collection of career and self exploration tools to assist people on their journey. It’s due out in March.
Something else: I’ll call it listening to the signals of life. Reflection, curiousity and intention are the ingredients. I would have been blind to the clues lying around me if not for the act of reflection and the power of being in a state of curiosity. The wisdom is not hard to find, but you don’t know what you’re looking for or looking at without intention. With intention it’s like looking for Easter eggs that were hidden by someone that wanted you to find them.
Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how'd you vanquish them??
Sabrina Ali: These words have come to mean: The gifts that I couldn’t have in the moment that I’d never want to be without.
It’s human to experience obstacles, fears and doubts.
It is divine to transform them into something that serves your life. And we always at any moment have access to that possibility.
Obstacles: Not enough money. Not enough love. Not enough acceptance. Not enough credentials. Not enough time. It all boiled down to externally referencing myself towards other people’s ideas of success rather than defining my own based on how I wanted to feel in my own life.
Fears: That I’m generally an inadequate human being. That I have helped all the people that I can and now there’s no one else to help. That I can’t write. All stories that I inherited and contrary to the actual evidence showing up in my life.
Doubts: That what I’m doing (whatever plan, strategy, idea) won’t work. The antidote? Listen to life instead – what people are asking me for, thanking me for, admiring about me without any prompting whatsoever from me. Where is the love coming from and what is it saying?
My vanquishing (love that word btw) strategy: Tiny. Baby steps. And often (momentum is a friendly force).
A nurturing strategy that encounters the doubts, obstacles and fears was key. For example, I have worked with gifted coaches, a Jungian counsellor that I really connected with, energy healers and did yoga over the last 4-5 years. These partnerships helped move me through my stages faster and I’m thankful that I made those investments in myself. I am in a supportive relationship where I grow into more of who I am and I also adopted a dog. I speak kindly to myself. I even did a couple of online writing courses for the sheer pleasure of learning (nothing with grades). I write every day.
If you love yourself and allow yourself to be loved, fear, doubts and obstacles start to look like opportunities for evolution. If they can get you just sick and tired enough of maintaining life ‘as is’, they are your friends. Trust me.
What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments...and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?
Sabrina Ali: When I feel the “crunch” of existing – exasperated, frustrated, pointlessness, listlessness, rather than asking: “Why is this happening to me?” I ask: “What is this experience here to teach me?” Not in a punitive way, but rather in a compassionate way to help me evolve my capacity to be in the world and to live with more joy than fear.
Pain is sometimes very subtle and sometimes it’s loud and clear. Either way, it is a sign that something is unresolved. We were taught to avoid pain, but the bridge to joy lies in turning towards it.
It’s the foundation of why an entire work history can be transformed from a burden to an expression of enthusiasm. It processes and grieves things that we blame ourselves or others for. It allows for alchemy of experiences from pain to purpose, useless into ‘full of use.’
With this question alone I started to witness patterns that limited me that I had been unaware of. This is freedom. Freedom to choose rather than letting an unconscious pattern keep you feeling estranged from your one wild and precious life.
***
Sabrina Ali is totally honoured to have her "thing" exposed by Tanya Geisler. :) She's a Vocation Strategist and the Creator of www.makebelieveforreal.com. Sabrina says: Work is a pilgrimage of identity, a partnership of your heart and head, and what you are called to do for work is sacred.
You can also find her on Twitter.
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Tweetworthy Sabrina Ali (for your sharing pleasure)
Finding your thing is about putting the clues together. @thewitchofbliss to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8yT5k #TFThurs
enthusiasm = clarity of purpose in total alignment with intention - @thewitchofbliss to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8yT5k #TFThurs
It's divine to transform fears + doubts into s.t. that serves yur life. @thewitchofbliss to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8yT5k #TFThurs
In facing doubts, ask yurself: Where is the love coming from + what's it saying? @thewitchofbliss to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8yT5k #TFThurs
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In upcoming Thing Finding Thursdays, I'll be sharing interviews with the paragon of Creative Joy herself Jennifer Louden, Matthew Stillman ("deproblemizing through High Weirdness <--LOVE) and more, MORE, MORE!!
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding with Emma Gwillim of BasilBe
I’ve been interviewing people for Thing Finding Thursday who have, by and large, FOUND IT. Their THING! (Or, arguably, they are happily ensconced in their Thing For Now as we all know that Things evolve.) Yes, it's clear what Susannah, Danielle, Chris, Kelly, Pam, Dyana, Jenny, MMM, Tara, Jasmine, Megan, Amy are bringing forward to the world.
Joyfully.
And from the emails I've been receiving since this series' inception, I hear that you're appreciating the informed wisdom they're sharing here.
So, “been there” stories are an incredible source of inspiration (and for a fabulous round-up of “been there…gone HERE” stories to rev up your possible-o-meter, go check out Alexandra’s piece.)
But what about the people that are RIGHT HERE, right now? Who know how they want to BE, and maybe not necessarily what to DO?
Sound like anyone you know?
I present one such person, a reader of mine who sweetly raised her hand and said:
I would love to write a guest post. I speak from my own experience of feeling a little inertia, waiting until I had THE answer...until I learned to taste all the flavours, take the cues from my friends and family (and myself) and ultimately making some big changes in my working life.
Friends, please enjoy this guest post by Emma Gwillim.
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Journaling would be, for me, a great excuse to indulge in my love of stationery (oh the sweet joy of a crisp, new notebook!) but I just don’t seem to have the discipline to get my thoughts down on paper daily. Not in this structured way at least. I am a scribbler though - my creative mind is constantly stirring up new ideas which I write down, along with inspiring quotes and stories I’ve read in books, blogs and, my other obsession, magazines. In looking back over years of dog-eared notebooks, it’s obvious that my thing has come to light by a slow, dawning realisation.
I’m pretty impatient by nature and, if I set my mind to something, I’ll be a woman on a mission - I love a good challenge. And so, finding myself thing-less and a little lost in my early twenties, without knowing what the thing was that I wanted to go after was foreign territory. Uncomfortable at best, sheer panic a worst.
Here I was, working my way up the corporate ladder and earning a good living by giving out 100% of my hard work, energy, and professionalism at work, all the while feeling pretty lost and empty on the inside. And without an answer. Terrified at the uncharacteristic prospect of doing nothing, I set to reading all manner of personal development books and inspiring biographies, while the answer still eluded me. What was my thing? The thing would set my heart on fire?
I spent way too long waiting for the answer, waiting for the proverbial light-bulb to go off.
It didn’t.
And I’m embarrassed to say, unsurprisingly, I continued trading my time and energy for a monthly pay-slip in a job that left me cold.
Nothing changed until my mind-set changed.
The wonderful Steve Jobs said “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” I’d been waiting to work out, and logically decide, what my next dot would be and all the while I was in limbo.
It was a distraction in another area of my life, the natural end of a relationship, that was the shake-up for me. That ending became a new beginning of the real Emma: I took a flying lesson, I travelled, I began to learn the Italian language, I cooked foods I loved, I read books that interested me, I socialised with people that made me feel happy …. and almost I forgot about my pursuit of that ‘light-bulb’ moment. I stopped waiting and started moving, it didn’t matter in what direction.
And then it came....not in a blinding flash. Instead, I instinctively knew the things that brought a smile to my face and my heart and, the more I indulged in things I was passionate about, the more it seemed to open up the conversation with others. In being willing to give things a go and learn if it was “me” or not, my wonderful family and friends seemed to be given the green light to impart their view, their perception of the real me, and added more colour to the picture that was always before my eyes. Clues to which I’d been scribbling down over the years.
I still don’t believe I’ve got the definitive answer of what I want to do, but I’ve got gutsier about what I want to be. As one of these things is brave, I’m going to bravely share, for the first time, my thing: to love and nurture people to live their best life. It’s a simple as that.
And how exciting! The giddiness of this was that I realised I could be this way in every area of my life - rather than the ‘what to do’ I was searching for in my working life. I can be loving and nurturing with my husband, family, and friends. I can be loving and nurturing in my work and hobbies. I can even be loving and nurturing with myself - something that was definitely on the back-burner years ago.
If I could speak to my younger self, here’s what I’d advise:
Your purpose isn’t your work. Your life is. What do you want to stand for? To be remembered for?
Don’t hang onto a ‘someday, one day’ dream. Stop waiting. Get moving. There’s something gutsy about taking the next, courageous step without knowing where it will lead.
Feel it. Let yourself be drawn to all the things that interest, inspire and make you wonder. It’s only by tasting a little of everything that you’ll get to know your favourite flavours.
***
Do you hear the grace in Emma's words that she knows how she wants to BE even if what to DO is still amorphous (and possibly even temporarily irrelevant)?
I, for one, am excited to witness this bright light along her path. You can too, by following her writing about her journey (and sharing inspiration) at her blog or connecting with her shining self on Twitter.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Raise your rates in the most elegant way possible: YOURS
Making the decision to raise your rates is a grade A biggie. There are good reasons to keep your old rate (everyone will be happy). And there are consequences to keeping your old rate (everyone will be happy except you...and you know how well THAT usually works out). Once you’ve made the decision to raise rates, all the negative self-talk and naysaying saboteurs/gremlins/inner critics love to show up for a feeding frenzy. They’re your first obstacle. And they hate nothing more than clarity. So that’s what you must feed them: a steady diet of straight talk.
Here's What You Tell Yourself (and Your Saboteurs)
Say this, loud and proud:
I am raising my rates because: 1) I know the value of my worth and it’s time that I was compensated accordingly. (This may mean saying “no” to brain-picking too…your call). 2) I know what I need to do to grow my business and raising my rates will allow me to create more. (More of what is up to you). 3) I have done my due diligence and I know what the market will bear. (Because you HAVE). 4) I know the value of my worth and it’s time that I was compensated accordingly. (This bears repeating…saboteurs like to pretend they didn’t hear you the first time).
So, that's what you say to your saboteurs...but let me be clear. How you handle your saboteurs is very different from how you handle your beloved clients.
Here’s What You Tell Your Clients
With respect and appreciation and clarity, state: “I am raising my rates next month.”
Period.
You could try to explain how your rate increase means you’ll be working with fewer clients and providing them with better service etc, but truthfully, when I’m on the receiving end of this speech, it rarely resonates. I get it. You’re in business. And you deserve to be compensated. But as your client, I’d like to know:
“What’s the impact on me?”
At this point, you have two choices:
1) Temporarily grandfather the existing rates of your current clients and in doing so give them a couple of months grace before the new rates take effect. If you do so, it remains important that you tell them about the increase. If you’re good (and you must be, you rate-raiser, you) they are referring you to others. And if that’s so, you must educate your sales force – a.k.a “your clients” – about your price. No one likes sticker shock.
2) Have your existing clients start paying your new rate immediately. If this is the case, I am hoping that you have managed expectations early in the hiring process. When I start work with my coaching clients, we typically agree to a three month arrangement at a given price ($400/month + tax, if you’re curious). In our written agreement, I have included this caveat: Client and coach will discuss any rate increase at least one month prior to the agreement ending in order to establish a new agreement. People like surprises even less than they like sticker shock.
Will clients walk away?
The simple answer is...possibly.
Possibly yes, possibly no.
If you opt for choice #2, then it’s possible they have become quite comfortable with the old rate and they may believe your new rate is outside of the perceived threshold of what they can handle. DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY. You can either try to convince them the work you’re doing together is every bit as valuable as it ever was (feel the energy drain?), or you can invest that energy in finding new clients that are happy to pay your new rate (feel the energy lift?).
And for those who choose to walk away, lovingly hand them a list of people in your field that offer their services at the lower rate. It’s a classy and unforgettable act of generosity. No regrets, no hard feelings. Just expansive growth. Stand as a model for your clients. Chances are good it’s time they raised their rates too. Show them how to raise rates in the most elegant and masterful way possible.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Thing Finding Thursday with Tara Sophia Mohr
Remember that beach vacation when you were a kid and your older sibling was off chasing boys (or girls) and you were on your own? And your parents, who were more interested in their sangria than managing your social life, distractedly waved you off to “go make a friend” and it seemed impossible in that moment until you saw HER and went over and said: “let’s be friends” and she said yes?
For me, that was Tara Sophia Mohr. We’ve been hanging out on the same beach for a while now and I’ve always been curious about her and her sandcastles (they always seem SO WELL put together). And do you recall the 2012 planning post wherein I declared my search for a publicist and I committed to “Ask my coaching colleagues/peers who they work with (by Dec 31, 2011)”?
That’s what I did. I asked the girl with the well constructed (and beautiful) sandcastle for a Skype chat and she said yes.
I knew she was wise. I knew she was wonderful. What I wasn’t prepared for was how WARM she is. (Frequent and regular Skype tea dates are in the works.)
If you don’t know her, here’s what she’s up to in this world. She’s an expert on women's leadership and women's wellbeing. She has created the wildly popular "10 Rules for Brilliant Women" and the 6-month Playing Big women's leadership program(full disclosure: that there is an affiliate link), Tara's work has been featured on The Today Show, ForbesWoman, USA Today, More Magazine and is regularly published in Huffington Post. She received her undergraduate degree from Yale University and her MBA from Stanford University. Tara is also the author of Your Other Names: Poems for Wise Living.
Cerebral and soulful stuff. Interested in hearing about her path? Me too.
What's your thing?
Tara Sophia Mohr: My thing is being Tara. These days (these years, really,) that generally looks like this:
bringing women’s voices into the worldhelping women play biggerspeaking-writing-communicating to bring about the world I want to see. every day there is something new to say. I love saying it.letting poems come through.creating beauty. basking in beauty.laughing in community, being with friends, being over the moon happy that you (and you, and you and you) exist and are right here, with me!being silly and dancing around the apartment cracking up my husband.compassion, compassion, compassion, because compassion is the natural expression of wisdom, the fruit of seeing things as they really are.
Note on the above: nothing in my life is linear. So please picture these words in a big swirling circle, not in a list.
Was finding your thing the result of a divine revelation, an insane invention, a culmination of insights...or something else?
Tara Sophia Mohr: It was a return. It was a return to my childhood dreams. I’m not someone who was fundamentally confused about what my thing was, though I spent many years saying “I don’t know what my thing is.” Translation: “My thing might be that thing I’ve been dreaming of since I was five, but frankly that thing seems too impractical and scary to go for, so I’ll ignore that and take some career assessment tests instead.”
I don’t think we all “find” our things. I did some combination of remember, recover, listen and experiment my way into my thing.
There was a time in my life about four years ago when I made a pretty radical shift toward living a more authentic life and career. I don’t know what caused that to happen on one day and not another, but the change felt precipitated by intensifying pain: the pain of the inauthentic way of living grew great enough that I was willing to face the discomfort involved in change.
When the old shoe really, really, really gets uncomfortable? That’s when I often start to make change. But what causes the shoe to get uncomfortable at a certain point? Something mysterious, something that has to do, I believe, with the timeline of our soul’s unfoldment.
Obstacles/fears/doubts – what were they, how'd you vanquish them?
Tara Sophia Mohr: For me, life has often felt like trying to sew together two pieces of fabric: one piece is my authentic self. The things she loves. Her natural, confident, uninhibited, blissed-out self. Picture a happy five year old, totally unself-conscious, in her element, doing her thing. That’s piece of fabric #1.
The other piece of fabric is the world: the more competitive, judgmental landscape where that natural self was not always welcomed or safe or validated.
How to sew the two together? How to make them connected, so I can move across them easily? How to walk in the world as my authentic self comfortably and confidently – to say what I had to say – no matter how radical or how ridiculed?
That has been my primary challenge. What has helped me has been in part outer: having powerful support people in my life –community, teachers, friends – who gave me tools and championed my dreams when I was just getting started in listening to them and acknowledging them. But inner work has been equally important, particularly work around 1) clarifying my vision 2) understanding what the inner critic is and how it operates and 3) getting wise about how to deal with fear.
The programs I lead are very informed by what has most helped me – and what most helps the other women I work with.
What questions did you ask yourself to trigger your a-ha moments...and what signs and milestones should others be looking for in their journeys?
Tara Sophia Mohr: Some of my favorite questions:
What is my message to share in this situation, my unique truth? (Note: if no one else sees what you are saying or is talking about what you are thinking, that makes your perspective more needed, not less; more valuable not less).
What does my heart need in order to follow itself? (In any situation to ask your heart, “Dear heart: what do you need right now, to follow yourself?”)
How can I be a representative of love in this situation? (This question has saved me a hundred times. Saved me from pettiness, fear-based responses, aggression and brought me right back into love. You be surprised how well it works in business environments too.)
***
I'm appreciating the notion of the two fabrics. I'm appreciating her powerful questions. I'm appreciating the power of support systems. And I'm appreciating the worn shoe metaphor. I'm appreciating it all.
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Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.