Articles
Launching, Telejams, and a “Just Because” Gift…my favourite kind
Continuity alert. This may well be THE most disjointed post I’ve written yet. That I didn’t fret for hours trying to string it together into a sweet and melodic narrative is equal parts testament to how smart I know you to be AND sheer exhaustion.
Launching
I’m exhausted because I launched my Step into Your Starring Role program to my email list over the weekend and am opening registration up to the public today. Right now. In this moment.
And frankly, launching anything is fearsome business.
Will they show up?
Did I cross all the “t’s” and dot the ”i’s”?
Am I doing the right things?
Have I covered all the bases?
Am I ready?
Is everything perfect?
If any of those questions are answered with no, it feels like disaster will strike. So we very often don’t launch. Anything.
{Trust me. I hear that..."DISASTER". The bigness of that language doesn’t escape me. As wars rage and children are hungry and the sex trade endures and political prisoners are being tortured and cancer destroys families and atrocities are being committed in our own backyards…and. To say it’s” hard to reconcile” transcends the meaning of “putting it mildly”.}
And yet, here I am. Talking about launching.
This is part of the work I’m doing in the world. Not all of it. But much of it. Feeling fears, answering calls and going forward. Working with others to do the same. Ultimately, it’s the work all of us are doing.
So yeah. Today I’m launching Step into Your Starring Role, the 12-week coaching program that I’ve been crafting and finessing since New Year’s Day. It’s the very best of all the coaching I’ve done since I started in 2007. And it’s kind of like the practicum of my TEDx talk on Owning our Authority.
The Dress Rehearsal earlier this year was a smashing success. Here’s what some of the former participants had to say about the content, the community, the action and accountability and working with me.
Right? I know. Awesome women.
And I’ll be honest…when we opened pre-registration to my list over the weekend, I was met with immediate sign-ups. The most incredible women have started to show and I couldn't be happier. Very quickly most of my pre-launch jitters vanished.
They’re coming! They’re really coming!
I actually began to fret that all of the spots would be gone before I opened to the public. Definitely a champagne problem. And then….nothing. The sign-ups ground to a halt.
I spent the weekend being the coward who’s died a thousand deaths. Preoccupied with registration numbers. Fretting about said dotted i’s and crossed t’s. The typo(s) in the email to my list. Considering abandoning the plans I’ve been crafting for MONTHS.
What I’m awake to is how all or nothing the ego likes to have it be. There would be an avalanche of interest OR a desert of ambivalence.
The reality lands somewhere in the middle.
I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m hopeful that the right people will find it. That it’s the right time for them. That it meets people where they are and gives them what they need to get to where they want to go.
I’m also hoping that it won’t consume my thoughts for the next month. I’ve allowed for a long registration period (until Sept 20th) so people have plenty of time to be sure it’s right for them. It’s not an insignificant ticket price, so I also get that people need to make sure it’s a financial fit. (And the reason we’re offering payment plans).
But ultimately, whether they show up, or don’t, I will continue to do the work I’m here to do in the world. Helping people to step into their starring role. So they can create the lives of their dreams. Right in the middle of all and nothing.
Telejams
Over the next several weeks, I’ll be speaking with some of my very favourite women LIVE via Spreecast about how they’ve stepped into their starring roles. And boy howdy, have they ever.
Kate Swoboda! Tara Gentile! Kate Northrup!
Stars, each of them, who have faced their fears and launched anyways. Who have faced critics and solderied on. Who continue to inspire, teach and lead even when….
Beacons of brilliance, each of them, who have boldly stepped into their own starring roles.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
"Hesitating Beauty"
For your sparkling cocky smileI have walked a million miles Begging you to come wed me in the Spring Why do you my dear delay What makes you laugh and turn away? You're a hesitating beauty Nora Lee
Well I know that you are itching to get married, Nora Lee And I know I am twitching for the same thing, Nora Lee By the star and clouds above We can spend our lives in love You're a hesitating beauty Nora Lee
We can build a house and home Where the flowers come to bloom Around our yard I'll nail a fence so high That the boys with peeping eyes Cannot see that angel face Of my hesitating beauty, Nora Lee.
We can ramble hand in hand Across the grasses of our land I'll kiss you for each leaf on every tree We can our kids to play Where the dry winds blow today If you'll quit your hesitating, Nora Lee
- Woody Guthrie
The way I see it, you are Nora Lee, and "I" am your vision, dream, and desire, desperately wanting your hand in marriage. Is it time to quit your hesitating?
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Will they show up? On dolphins, readers, and guests
We stepped onto the “Osprey” at 7:30am. It was a glorified dinghy, more inflatable parts than metal. It seated 24. Captain Rick had two rules for us: 1) No barfing on the boat. The Atlantic Ocean would be no farther than 4 feet away from us at any time, so there would be no excuse not to make it. 2) Don’t expect the dolphins. They are wild creatures who do their own thing.
Neither rule was particularly encouraging, nor surprising.
The combo of rolling 8 foot waves + basically motorized rafts may cause seasickness.
And
Wild dolphins are on their own timetable and this ain’t Sea World, honey.
There were no guarantees that they’d show up. Whether we’re talking about dolphins, readers, party guests or program participants. They are all wild creatures who do their own thing. There are no guarantees, ever.
And yet…
Show up anyways
There’s a good chance that they will show up. What will be there to meet them when they do?
Want readers for your words? Write them. Want guests? Send the invitations. Want people to eat your cupcakes? Bake them. Want to see dolphins? Get on the boat.
If you want to write, plant your backside in front of the typewriter. Don’t get up from the chair, no matter how many brilliantly-plausible reasons your Resistance-churning brain presents to you. Sooner or later your fingers will settle onto the keys. Not long after that, I promise, the goddess will slip invisibly but powerfully into the room.
That’s the trick. There’s nothing more to it. – Steve Pressfield
Show up. Show up. Show up.
Create desirable conditions
Dolphins eat and play early in the day. So we opted for the 7:30 tour over the 11:30 tour even though it meant we had to get up at 5:15 to do so. AND dolphins have ultra sensitive hearing, which is why we opted for the barf-o-matic “Osprey” rather than a mega-horsepowered, eardrum-splitting behemoth.
If you want them to show up, you need to not only show up but also meet them halfway, under desirable conditions.
Write what you love, to be sure, and care about what lights up your readers. Make it easy for your guests to say yes to your shindig. Bake with abandon, but create concoctions that will appeal to their palates.
Clarify your metrics of success
Was the singular indicator of success whether or not we saw dolphins? (And if so, how many dolphins would have been enough?)
Nope.
We were pretty stoked to be out on the ocean, to gain a new perspective of the shores we’ve only seen from one side, learn from the eco-tour all that we could about dolphins (two stomachs! lifespan in captivity 17 years vs 50 in the wild! they plan their next breath!) and enjoy a new little family adventure.
Obviously, we WANTED to see dolphins, or we wouldn’t have done the tour in the first, place (yeesh). But if your one and only objective for doing anything is to have “them” show up…program participants, guests, readers, critics…then you may be missing the honey of the experience. You don’t want to do that.
In the end, it was a gorgeous morning, an informative tour, no one barfed and the dolphins showed up. In droves.
I’d love to wrap this in a neat and tidy bundle and promise you that your readers, customers, guests, and participants will ALSO show up in droves. They may and they may not. (Wild creatures are like that.)
But show up, create compelling and desirable conditions and they very well will. (Wild creatures are like that.)
And when they do, bow to the grace of their presence. Because they came. Without guarantees. They came just the same.
Thank YOU for being here. For showing up, for reading, and for reaching out with comments, emails, tweets and shares to tell me how my words land with you and what you want more of.
I am truly, deeply grateful.
x/TG
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
Are you over being the understudy in your life?
(Begin metaphor)
Being an understudy in theatre is a great place to be…for a while. It acclimatizes you for what the stage will feel like. It gets you used to the warmth of the spotlights. The sheer number of bodies in the audience. The adrenaline, the energy and the excitement. The lines, the pressure, the choreography.
It’s good practice and an excellent place to hang out. It allows you to put in the hours and get good and sure that this role, this LIFE, is the one you want. It bows to the idiom “you need to learn to walk before you can run.” (Though we’ve all seen babies who have missed the walking stage, so, there’s that).
Waiting in the wings means you can’t fail. There’s safety here. And latent energy.
For some, this is perfect. You’re ready when you’re told you’re ready… and when the lead actress has a sore throat and can't make it to the performance. THEN it’s your time to shine because you’ve been tapped in. Given permission.
By someone else.
For others, those who KNOW they are ready, who are tired of being spectators and want to become do-ers, who WANT the role so badly that they can taste it, this waiting over a protracted period of time is like purgatory.
(End metaphor)
So let’s say you’re in the second group with the ants-in-your-pants. You feel strongly that you’re ready to claim your role as artist, speaker, coach, leader, author, teacher, pro, star…
What if you could tap yourself in? What if you could give yourself permission?
Would you?
And if not now, when? How much more practice do you need? How many more dance steps do you need to learn? How many more hoops to you need to jump through? How many more lines? How many more courses do you need to ace? At what point will you allow yourself to take centre stage?
Know what I think?
I think you’re ready. Period. I think you’re ready to name and claim your starring role. I think you’re ready to strive. I think you’re ready to face all that’s been holding you back. I think you’re ready to get the help you need to get you there. I think you’re ready to leap onto the stage. I think you’re ready to do the work. And I think you’re ready to be seen. For the do-er, the pro, and the star that you are.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
How to apologize like a sane person
So…I messed up last month. I double-booked and let someone down. Someone I love dearly and deeply.
I’ve needed to apologize for many things over the years and I’m certain I’ll continue to need to do so. For things I’ve done wrong. For misunderstandings, misdeeds, and missteps. (Though I no longer apologize for my beliefs, for not meeting unrealistic expectations thrust upon me, and for, like, EVERYTHING. Dyana is a fabulous model of this).
My apology process looks a little like this::
Be sincere.
State regret.
Take responsibility for the impact of my actions.
Offer to make it right…then make it right.
Pledge to do better (and learn from it).
Move on.
It has served me well. In theory.
This time…
The moment I realized I’d double-booked, I left a message on my beloved friend's home phone. I think it sounded something like this, slightly pitchy and sincerely distraught::
OMGOMGOMGOMG I am so truly sorry. Greg and I weren’t on the same page and didn’t cross-check calendars and he made plans MONTHS ago and now I have to bail on our evening this Friday. CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?!
I didn’t hear back immediately. So I sent a text the next day essentially reiterating the same thing, though slightly less panicked.
I feel awful. You guys go ahead without me. I’ll find a way to make something work…maybe I can meet you later after the kids go to bed. I’ll miss dinner but will be there for the dancing. And I feel sick about letting you down. Truly.
Again, I didn’t hear back. My indignation begins to rise. (Has SHE never made a mistake and needed to lean into grace?)
Next text from me::
Hellloooooooooo????
(Silence)
Enter paranoia, incredulity, righteousness, and a soupçon of anger. I’ve worked my process (sincerely). I’ve regretted, fretted, and sweated and still nothing. I need her to release me from this vortex.
Big bold, worldview statements start to show up in my thought process. (I’m 40. I’m OVER this and I have no place for people who do not have capacity for empathy and forgiveness in my life.)
Epic next text from me::
Am I being shunned…(blah blah blah)…I don’t respond well to the silent treatment…(blah blah blah)…if we can’t even have a conversation then I think we have a different problem.
The ego loves to try to take back control…even if “control” is a Malatov cocktail of ridiculousness.
So, you’ve guessed what happened right?
She didn’t get the texts. We spoke over the phone and all was well. Friendship intact. Of course.
Two lessons.
Lesson #1
Lesson #2
Life is short. Pick up the damned phone. Clear the air.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.
How to deliver a boffo program – a metaphor, but not really
Want a lesson in humility? Write a sales page for a program that you’ve created and deeply love. Try to find the right words to charm, entrance and invite your people without grossing them (or yourself) out. And when you find yourself falling short, playing small, go find the words of the previous participants and feel your chest rise with the knowledge that you done good. Try to stay with that and not allow yourself to shrink back into the smallness of self-consciousness. And then share it with your world.
Done. Halle-flippin-lujah. With massive thanks to my beloved Tara Gentile for sherpa-ing me through the process (again).
Know what some previous Step Into Your Starring Role participants said about the last run of the program?
"I’ve done a lot of programs, but few have had the kind of lasting impact that yours had."
"I feel humbled by my 'starring role' because I now know what only I can do in the world."
"Tanya, you fully delivered (over-delivered actually) on everything you promised."
"I continue to use the knowledge that I gathered in this program long after the curtain closed."
Woweee! Yeah. MY PROGRAM DID THAT!
So I’m excited about this program and entirely excited to launch it again. But what I’m hoping to share here is more about how to run a program that elicits that kind of loving enthusiasm.
And, as ever, this applies to life.
In life and in my program, I’ve learned to::
1) Show up fully. Whether you are running a program or simply want to be a decent human being on this good, sweet earth (and you do), show up. Let us know who you are and what we can count on you for.
2) Invite in the best. Surround yourself with quality people. You only have so much space…in your program and in your life. I felt like our calls were in my dining room, with crystal goblets and the plentiful, nourishing, hearty fare. And I WANTED that because I loved them all. Which brings me to…
3) Love the shit out of your people. Fully and completely. You are being graced by their presence. THEY CHOSE YOU. Don’t lose your sense of awe in the wonder of THAT.
4) Be transparent. Your humanness is enrolling, captivating and magnetic. But be mindful of lapsing into an emotional striptease. No one needs to see that.
5) Check in. See how people are receiving you, your words, your work. What’s the impact you’re having? How else can you be useful?
6) It’s about you, and not really. Sure, people are here because of you. But ultimately, they’re here because of themSELVES. Give them plenty of room and space to get what they desire out of the experience.
7) Get help. If you’re in over your head, lean into your friends and the genius people who know about stuff you don't. The people you love with a full heart who want you to succeed. It’s the only way for me.
8) Over-deliver in quality. Period. (But not in quantity…see: “Keep it simple” below).
And, as ever, I learned about some blind spots. Places I need to dig into in my desire for and pursuit of excellence.
In life and in my program, I’m still learning to::
1) Stay late. This is actually a growth edge for me. I’ve heard legends told of Marie Forleo’s B-School Q+A calls. So the story goes, she would stay on the call until every last question was answered. Like, hours. Respect. I aspire to do better with this, as I was usually pretty quick to hop off at the end of the hour, thinking I was being respectful of others’ time. But I see now, people will stay if they want to stay. I ought to as well. In my program and in my life.
AND...
2) Set expectations around availability. In my desire to over-deliver to those selfsame women I love the shit out of, I wasn’t excessively clear about when I wasn’t available to them. (But really, it was with myself that I wasn’t clear). And as such, I really wanted them to feel tended to and heard. At all times. This meant that I was answering questions on my iPhone in bed and crafting responses and curating resources on Sundays. Which ultimately, isn’t sustainable. This program will get big. Very big. As will my life. Boundaries create spaciousness and cohesion. I’ll do a bit better next time.
3) Keep it simple. ARRRRGH. This one continues to dog me. I know what it is…it’s the handiwork of the Imposter Complex. In my programs, I keep throwing reams of content at ‘em to "prove" just.how.very.smart.I.am. In my life, I talk fast and say a lot. When I write, I need to pare back about a third of the words to be more concise. I’m working, working, working on this.
To teach this lesson, I called in the big guns of teaching, my beloved Jen Louden.
One of the biggest take-aways every year from TeachNow students is good teaching is not about drowning students in information or sharing unique insights, but about offering the right ideas in small bites with plenty of spacious time for integration. We call it "appropriate dosing" in TeachNow. Think about your own best learning experiences. Was it all about a cascade of facts or a connection to your heart & mind - through story, reflection, small group discussion or your relationship with your teacher?
We over-stuff our students because we don't trust ourselves. Teaching - which is what you are doing - happens in the mysterious messy juncture between student and teacher. Go there and trust the alchemy that will happen if there is room, if there is space.
In programs and in life…how you do one thing is how you do everything.
Check out my free training on the 5 Shifts Our Clients Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact
Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.