I remember reading a quote from Bréne Brown about standing over her children, watching them sleep, and she said,

“...and just as a profound sense of love and joy washed over me, I'd imagine horrible things happening to them: car crashes, tsunamis. ‘Do other mothers do this,’ I'd wonder, ‘or am I unhinged?’ I now know from my research that 95 percent of parents can relate to my constant disaster planning. When we're overwhelmed by love, we feel vulnerable — so we dress-rehearse tragedy.”

And I recognized that moment so very clearly — in worrying about my own child, absolutely (what parent doesn’t?) but in other instances, too…

Lie #9 of the Imposter Complex says: It’s just a matter of time before all of this crumbles beneath you.

Strangely, this one shows up when we’re nice and relaxed. Serene, even. We feel a bout of gratitude for how good life is: The child, the partner, the work, the income, the health, the beautiful house of David Byrne’s existential lament…

This is where many leaders feel deep in the pits of their stomachs I’m a fraud, and everyone is going to find out...

And then we sit up, realizing that we have committed the sin of letting our guard down. We’ve jinxed ourselves with our mini-celebration. Most assuredly, the other shoe is about to drop.

We stop breathing. We stop appreciating. And we panic. And lay low.

Exactly where our Imposter Complex likes us to be (you may have heard of this referred to as Imposter Syndrom, here’s why using the term “Imposter Complex” is important).

Bréne Brown talks about the fact that this disaster planning we do in our minds (instigated by the Imposter Complex) doesn’t actually do any good. Anyone who has experienced real tragedy will tell you: there is no way to prepare.

It steals your joy, keeps you out of action, and encourages you to hide under the proverbial covers.

But what if the other shoe wasn’t about to drop?

Bréne says, “The good news is that joy, collected over time, fuels resilience.”

Joy collected over time…

To my mind, that is a call to be more grateful for what you have (not less, for fear of losing it). 

It’s about developing a practice of celebrating your wins (which is deeply uncomfortable for many of us to do).

It’s about owning the amazingness of you and of your life and asking yourself, How good will you allow this to be?

(It’s up to you, you know.)

Gratitude is one of my underpinning values of joy. Whenever I am struggling to find the joy in a situation or experience, I practice stopping and asking myself, “How can I find more gratitude?” I believe gratitude is one of the cornerstones of happiness. (Did you know that before my feet even touch the ground in the morning, I give thanks for 108 people? I do.) 

The next time you feel that voice in your head, in your heart, whispering it’s only a matter of time…  

Stop.

Lean into the moment just before that whisper spoke up.

And try to stay with the gratitude. 

How good will you allow this to be?

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Check out my free training on the 5 ICONIC Shifts Leaders Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

As humans, we are all governed by the desire to feel good.

We’re all doing what we THINK we can do to get it, but our goals are often out of sync because we’re not clear on what IT is, much less what comprises it or how to get it. 

It’s why we prefer to eat sweet or salty foods, why we seek out thrills and adventures, why we have sex, why we fill our homes with creature comforts. 

Sometimes those external ways of feeling “good” can become detrimental, even turn into addictions. They are surface pleasures only. But when we discover the emotion that we’re craving underneath those physical pleasures, it can become our north star.

I call that emotion, that north star, your Brand of Joy. 

My Brand of Joy is JOY. And it’s what I seek in everything I do. My work, my relationships, my clients.  Other people call it something else: vitality, freedom, success, love, passion, magic...

When you can name your Brand of Joy, you can truly use it as your north star to calibrate everything in your life from your relationships to creating offers in your business; from aligning your environment around you to deepening your rituals and practices; from choosing a way to move your body every day to choosing where you will vacation this year. 

It’s also the first tool in your toolbox for dismantling the Imposter Complex. The Imposter Complex wants to keep you alone, doubting, and out of action — but when you feel any of these things, you can turn to your Brand of Joy to help you see the path forward. And you may have heard of “Imposter Syndrome,” but this is why I use “Imposter Complex” instead.

From that place of joy, I know how to overcome obstacles. How to conquer my inbox before vacation. What to create for dinner. What to say YES to… and what to say NO to.

My inquiry is always: how can this be more joyful?

And when that's too big, I root into what underpins it for me.

For me — and for everyone — there are values that lead to that Brand of Joy. For me, they are my values of connection, gratitude, and generosity.

So when I struggle to see how to make a thing, a moment, a challenge more joyful, I shift to looking at my values: How can I feel more connected? Grateful? Generous?

And then I know the way forward

When it's not aligned with my Brand of Joy, it's not aligned with anything.

You have your own brand of what I call joy. Maybe it's devotion. Or freedom. Or ease. Or flow. Or expanded. Or success. Or love. Or beauty. Once you know what it is, it will inform EVERYTHING if you let it (and you should).

Brand of Joy is the First Leg of the Journey

I know that Unshakable Confidence is a three-legged stool, and the three legs are Integrity, Presence, and Action.

Of the three legs, we begin with Integrity, so that we can start with a strong core and a strong foundation. Integrity is all about authenticity, obedience to your vision, and honouring your word. 

You know this for yourself: Every time we don’t show up as our Authentic Selves, we are out of Integrity. Every time we waiver on doing the things that move us closer to claiming our desires, we are out of Integrity. Every time we make and break a promise to another — or to OURSELVES — we are out of Integrity. 

And every time we are out of Integrity, we erode our confidence just a bit more.

(See how that works?)

The first step to understanding, claiming, and stepping into your Authentic Self is to understand your Brand of Joy. It becomes the north star that allows you to navigate anything that comes your way.

When you know your Brand of Joy, you know yourself better, and you can more easily stay in alignment and Integrity. 

Finding Your Brand Of Joy

Time for you to see what your unique Brand of Joy is.

Watch this video and follow along to begin to uncover your unique Brand of Joy.

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Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

Chances are, if you are a high-performing woman, you have experienced Imposter Complex at some point in your life and career — maybe at lots of points in your life and career. You may have heard of it as “Imposter Syndrom,” but here’s why it’s important to call it “Imposter Complex” instead.

Remember, Imposter Complex is that enduring feeling that it’s just a matter of time before everyone finds out that you’re a fake. 

And you are not alone. It strikes MOST of us. If you have high standards for yourself, a desire for excellence, and a value of integrity, I suspect that at one time or another you’ve felt its power over you. And it IS powerful even when it presents as innocuous.

IT CAN LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS… 

You are told: You are so committed to your yoga practice. It’s awesome and inspiring.
You respond: Yeah, well my handstand is a train wreck.

You are told: This pasta is exquisite.
You respond: Naw, I put in too much salt.

You are told: You are my go-to when I have a style question.
You respond: What? I’m a sloppy mess.

You are told: You’re a really great writer.
You respond: Ach. My sentences are fragmented.

When we undercut, diminish, and dismiss what we are being offered as a gift of acknowledgment, that’s the handiwork of the Imposter.

Why do we do it? SO.MANY.REASONS. Here are the ones flaring off like fireworks all around me lately::

• We want to be in integrity and make sure that everyone has the “full story” about us. 

• We are perfectionists not actually content with ANYTHING until it’s good enough (“for whom?” is the real question here).

• We cannot perceive the real value of our contributions (especially if we're "naturally gifted" and haven't suffered for our art).

• We have been raised to be humble above all else.

• We are superstitious. That by accepting ownership over our excellence, we’re jinxing ourselves.

• We do not want to commit the crime of outshining (fabulous term coined by Gay Hendricks).

I believe it is part of the work we are meant to do to unpack the whys behind our Imposter Complex so that we can move past them more quickly and easily when they arise so that we allow ourselves to step into our starring roles. 

Want to try it out…?

I have a simple baby step you can take right now, today, to feel what it feels like to stop diminishing, stop letting the Imposter Complex dictate your responses, and put one small baby toe towards stepping into your Starring Role.

Ready (enough)?

The next time someone dares to see you and share with you what they see in you, in your contributions, in your abilities — instead of showing them where they’re wrong (they’re not) try saying this:: 

Thank you.

That’s it.

Thank you.

No more, no less.

Thank you.

Neither discount nor deny their gift of acknowledgment. Just as you wouldn’t find fault with a gift given to you from the heart, so too should you not find fault with the acknowledgment. Accept it with the grace that only “thank you” affords.

The Impostor Complex despises this because you are, in two words, owning (or, at least, for the time being, BORROWING) the truth. You are doing good.  Full stop.

Added bonus:

Train your brain to say those words and you’ll be sending sweet synaptic love notes to your subconscious with this immutable fact: that you ARE worthy of praise and acknowledgment.

Because you are.

Sure, it’s possible that your handstand, pasta, and sentence structures could use a little more attention. (Which is awesome news for you and your high standards… you get another turn up the upward spiral called life in pursuit of excellence).  

But for this moment, this very moment, rest in the knowledge that you, your yoga practice, your pasta, your style, or your writing has moved, delighted, or even inspired someone. Saying Thank You locks and loads it.

And THAT is excellent.

When you try it this week, will you share it with me?  If you’re feeling bold, post about it on Instagram and tag me @TanyaGeisler so that I can celebrate with you! If you’re feeling tender, send me a private message on IG and we’ll have our own, private celebration.

Either way, take half a moment to celebrate the noticing and the shift. It’s more powerful than you might think.

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Check out my free training on the 5 ICONIC Shifts Leaders Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

It’s a mystical land, “There”, with its seductive promise of splendour, glory, Enough, and All. You want to get to There. But you’re Here.

Why?

I have some theories.

You’re anxious that you don’t know where There is.

You’re troubled by the effort it will take to get There.

You’re terrified that when you get There, it’ll be the wrong There.

Worse still, when you get There, you’re afraid They’ll find out you’re not really supposed to be There, after all.

You’re not ready to start going There. There are all these things you need to do Here first before you can even take the first step towards There…

All perfectly reasonable fears, Love. 

And still, There beckons.

Know how you WILL get There?

Step by step. With courage.

And, not to sound too much like a fortune cookie, but every journey starts with that first step. 

And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are ready enough. 

Ready enough to name your There — even if it isn’t the perfect name, or if the address changes on the way.

Ready enough to decide that the effort is worth it, and/or that you can break that effort down into teeny tiny baby steps. (Because — did you know?? — baby steps still move you forward.)

Ready enough to go There and then pivot if the There isn’t quite what you imagined it would be.

Ready enough to assemble your cast and remember that your people want you to succeed — Here, There, and everywhere!

Because whatever There looks like for you? I know for a fact you are ready enough to make that first step.

Before you head off though, will you take a moment to thank Here? For the ground beneath your feet. For the known and the shown.

Now, blow Here a tender kiss and set off on your way.

It’s time.

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Check out my free training on the 5 ICONIC Shifts Leaders Use to Overcome the Imposter Complex and Grow their Income and their Impact

Where I pull back the curtain on five shifts to start raising voices, rates, and hands all while being the kind, congruent, and authentic leader I know you to be.

Big Breaks can make life easier. They feel like ginormous affirmations that we are really on the right path to THERE. They are universal winks of “I see you Kid…and it is good”.

So of course, we want ‘em. Bad. We yearn for them.

The tweet that will change your trajectory. The windfall of grace at just the right moment.

But have you ever had a Big Break and felt a bit, erm, empty? Like: THAT was what I’ve been waiting for?

Or, have had the Big Break and then felt like you’ve fumbled it. That it was the ONE CHANCE and there will never, ever, EVER be another?

Or, possibly even worse, leveraged the Big Break but then never really allowed yourself to feel good about it…’cause after all: you “just got lucky that one time”, or: you “didn’t really deserve it”. (And THOSE, my friends, are two of the many calling cards of the Impostor Complex.)

Or, waited until the Big Break came…only to never have it show up.

Oh. Did you just feel that in your chest? Me too.

Waiting for the Big Break may break you. It may break your spirit. It may compromise your belief in YOU. Your genius. Your sacred gifts.

Know what’s a much, MUCH saner way?

It’s not sexy, and you’ve heard it before, but here goes:

Commit. Do the work. Get good.

Fairy Godmothers, silver bullets, magic pills, lottery windfalls…listen, I’m not going to tell you that they don’t exist. Because they might. Because they do.

And sure, leave a little white space for magic, serendipity, and chance, but waiting for them to show up as part of your strategic planning? Mmmmm, no.

Write. Immerse. Run. Bake. Practice. Teach. Expand. Fail. Sing. Train. Redirect. Preach. Sell. Pitch. Ask. Rehearse. Speak. Draw. Coach. Paint. Bead. Dance. Learn. Deepen.

Again and again and again. Imbue it with your truth, your heart, your integrity, and your authenticity.

Practice isn’t about making something perfect; it’s about making something possible. – Justine Musk

And...

...look up from time to time. Take your own breaks. Make your own breaks. Revel in your commitment. Notice how far you’ve come. Breathe in your good. And then get back to it.

You are required to show up. And in that way, the universe DOES see you. And it IS good.

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Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.