The Party is On the Other Side of Resistance

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I have a request. Can you just pause to think about that thing you just crossed off your list?

I know, I know... you have more things on your list and can’t possibly pause to think back. But it was LITERALLY 10 minutes ago which is why you’ve opened your email or clicked the link in FaceBook and are reading this right now. So just take another minute with me and revisit that completed task.

Maybe you:

  • hit the gym
  • wrote the shitty first draft of your pitch letter
  • sent your proposal to a literary agent
  • asked for support
  • signed a client at your new rate

Remember that?


Stay with me now - I know you don’t think it’s a big deal. Yes, I too am looking at your massive to-do list and can see it’s just one thing out of many.

But let’s put down the list for a second.

Take my hand.

Look in my eyes.

And listen deeply to me when I tell you this:

There was a time when you believed what you just did was not possible.

For you.

Oh, you believed others could do it.

More athletic, strategic, creative people than you. Smarter, braver, luckier people than you.

But guess what? You were wrong.

It WAS possible.

You just proved it to yourself.

When it comes to the Impostor Complex, it's not about never ever feeling its sting again. It doesn't work like that.

It's about building your resilience and recognizing all the times you've stood at this very precipice of your desires. Of expansion. Of a breakthrough.

"And then remembering all the times that you decided to jump anyway and discovered that the party was indeed on the other side of the resistance."

Tweet this!

Where else can you prove yourself wrong?

7 Reasons We Stop Short

You know that opportunity that comes along that speaks to you on a deeply visceral level? Like it was created just for you? The timing, the stars, everything is just oh-so-right.

And you are there, teetering on the precipice. Just about to step in.

But then you don’t. You give up before you get going.

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Why? Why do we do that?

I can think of seven reasons:

  1. We’re afraid of failing.

  2. We’re afraid of succeeding.

  3. We’re afraid of being let down.

  4. We’re afraid of letting ourselves down.

  5. We’re afraid of not being met.

  6. We’re afraid of not being seen.

  7. We’re afraid of being seen.

And so we stop short. Real short.


We don’t claim our expertise. We don’t raise our rates. We don’t pitch our work or stand in our worth.

Which makes our Impostor Complex breathe a sigh of sweet relief. Because if nothing changes, then nothing is risked.

And the Impostor Complex is even more risk averse than your second high school sweetheart. The one you dated right after the wild and sexy one. The one with the pressed, pleated chinos who kissed like a fish and talked about insurance at school dances. Yes. THAT risk averse.

But here’s what I know. And I know you know it too, with every fiber of your being.

If you give up before you even get going, you’re simply never (ever) going to get to where you’ve been called to go.

It just doesn’t work. It just doesn’t happen. Your life has shown you that.

Stop stopping.
Start stepping.


The Starring Role Academy is ready for you to step into it. And? It’s designed for you to succeed. For you to not fail. For you to be seen, heard, met. But most importantly? So that you break your stopping habit. For good.

Lots of years ago, I had a series on my blog of interviews with friends, colleagues and people I thought were up to really aligned THINGS called “Thing Finding Thursday”. It’s long gone, but a google search will yield sweet fruit (like this hilarious conversation with Jen Louden).

I had co-created said series back then with Kelly Diels. (And if you don’t know Kelly already, she is a writer, marketing consultant and rampant feminist. Her current THING is writing about the online 'Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand' and developing effective and ethical marketing practices so we can transcend it. It’s good. She’s good.)

So, back to the series. I was poring over the interviews and transcripts for research in advance of a webinar I’m hosting next week called “What IS your Starring Role?” This not knowing what the Starring Role IS can be a place of suffering for so many who feel called forth...but to what, they don’t know.

Their exact words:

“I WANT to step into my Starring Role, but I don’t know WHAT my starring role IS!” 

Hence, the webinar.

And I recognized that I use the “Starring Role” language synonymously with “THING”...which is actually code for “PURPOSE”. And stepping into it, is about sovereignty, mastery, excellence. Mmm HMM.

And in my review, I came across this post from Kelly. It rang true in 2011 and it still rings true today.

Without further ado, I give you:


Prince George. As I step off the plane into the summer sunshine, I'm lit and light with anticipation. After two months apart, I'm about to spend a week with my loverloverman.

My week of wonder, however, is still a few hours away: I've got to get a shuttle to the bus station and then a bus to Smithers. But time with my man is closer than ever and that's all that's on my mind. It's everything that's on my mind. There's no need for dilly-dallying and dawdling in the airport, picking over magazines or picking up snacks and sustenance. No, I'm carrying everything I need in my laptop case, my purse, my hands, my heart. And so I head from the plane right through the airport, straight for the shuttle and step inside. I'm buoyant. Light. Travelling light.

I'm the first one in. What is taking everyone else so long?

They start trickling into the shuttle, sloooooooowly and inelegantly loading their bags and suitcases into the back, taking forever...Effing baggage. Let's go!

Oh wait. I'll be right back. That's what I exclaim to the shuttle driver as I leap out of my seat, out of the shuttle, and back into the airport.

For that one lonely suitcase rounding the carousel. My suitcase, the one I'd left behind in my enthusiasm to get where I was going...without my things.


I almost did. And I'm not the only one. Airports and airlines have claim desks full of stray suitcases. People forget their things. If they thought about them, they'd know where they were, what they contained. Their things aren't lost, exactly. They just need to be claimed.

It was the same with My Thing. I'm a writer. I always knew I was a writer. From the age of eight I knew I could and would and should write essays, articles, books.

But I resisted being a writer because I read too much. I read Little Women: Jo scribbles in the attic and later lives in a single room in a rooming house. I read Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man and was not seduced by the existential anguish of an undiscovered genius. And then I read Down and Out in London and Paris wherein George Orwell decides he's a writer, lives in a bug-infested rented room and - when he's not working hellish hours in a hellish kitchen - sells his clothes to buy bread to survive another day.

True story. And not one I care to emulate. Attics and garrets, they grow tiresome. Poverty is not my thing...and so neither was writing for a living.

And so I always knew writing was My Thing but I chose to leave it behind. I walked out of the airport and into my life without my suitcase. Without My Thing.

And that was fine(ish). I went to university, I got great jobs, I did well, I made money, I worked in the city and lived in the suburbs, I lived well. Everything was ok.

From the outside. I got up, got my girls to daycare, went to work, did it well, picked up my girls, made dinner, put them to bed, watched TV...and wondered:

Is this it? Is this what I'm living for? To collect a paycheque to pay for daycare and cable?

And that wasn't it. That wasn't my thing and I knew it and I'd always known it. Because My Thing just wasn't practical. How would I make it a career? How would I make money?

And those are the wrong questions to start with.

When you're finding your thing, start with this:

What would I do for free? What do I do even though no one pays me?

The money and career questions (and answers and plans and plots and schemes) come later. Because Your Thing doesn't have to be a full-time job, a career or even make you money. Mother Theresa had a thing. I doubt it paid very well.

(My children pay even less and I'm in that gig for life.)

So put aside the practical questions and be truly, madly, deeply impractical: what do you need to do? What would you do for free?

And then do that. You don't have to quit your job. Just start doing your thing. You and your thing will find your way together.

If you claim it from the carousel (should I? Shouldn't I? Can I? Will I? And 'round and 'round...) and carry it with you on your journey.


Kelly's good, right?


Here’s what I want to leave you with:

At this time, on this day, in this very moment, you may be looking around to the people you see as leaders. You may see a resounding lack of activation. Pay attention to that. That annoyance, irritation, disappointment and even disgust may very well be your Thing, your Starring Role calling you forth. Asking YOU to step into Healer. Revolutionary. Leader.


How are you...


The super moon will want to take credit for me asking, but I really want to know. Reply here and tell me, will you?

My sense is that post-November 8, a lot of assumptions are being made about how people feel, how they should feel, how they shouldn’t feel, what they should do, what they shouldn’t do, what they should say, what they shouldn’t say.

I’ve made a couple of assumptions myself. I know that assumptions can hurt. (And I know the LAST thing this place needs is more hurt ammirite?)

So tell me:

How you’re getting through, if that’s what you want to say.
What’s filling you with hope, if that’s what you want to say.
What spaces you are making in your life, if that’s what you want to say.
How you're surprising yourself, if that's what you want to say.

Tell me about your kid, your fascination with hygge, your desire to start a new campaign, the people you’re rallying, your art, your shifted plans for Thanksgiving, your new music obsession, your newest learnings about your resilience, your new s/heroes.

Just tell me: how are you?

I really want to know. 



Everything’s a teacher

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It is an unmitigated wonder that my daughter still tells me anything.

Because as much as I do my best to simply listen, to simply be, to offer her my presence and my unconditional love, I fall short. Often. And instead, I counsel. I point out the opportunities, the possibilities, the other ways, the other paths. It has got to be annoying as all hell for the poor child.

But yet, there it is:

“What are you learning?” 

Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Because it’s a good question. Maybe the BEST question.

Here’s what we know: comparison is a teacher. A flashing red beacon that clearly and unapologetically shows us what we want as embodied by those that we compare up to and clearly shows us what we don't want as embodied by those we compare down to. (Lauren and I tackle this more fully and completely in our Beyond Compare self-study program.)

I speak and write often and at great length about how the Impostor Complex is a reliable teacher about what matters to us.

But guess what else is a teacher?



But also:

And so worth repeating: joy.

Alllllllllllllll of it.

So the real question is:

What are you learning?

And then:

What are you going to do about it?

A couple of ideas.

Choose differently.
Change course.
Do something.
Do better.
Say no.
Say yes.
Show up.
Stand up.
Speak up.
Vote. TODAY.

Easier said than done? Could be.  But the alternative is really not acceptable, is it?


PS - We’re opening the doors for The Step into Your Starring Role Academy very very soon. Sign up here for first dibs. Nine months of sitting UP, rising UP, speaking UP, stepping UP and shining UP.