Your need for planning is butting up against her need for discovering her purpose”, my therapist said as I once again tried to convey the helpless ache in my heart about our kid getting ready to launch into her post-high school life next year.

So simple.
So correct.
And such an extraordinary relief.

(This is why we work with therapists, right?)

I had been struggling endlessly to understand why I was feeling so frustrated about what was next for our daughter...and the lack of a definitive plan.

‘Cause, I eat, sleep and dream plans. I find solace in a spreadsheet and a Saturday morning checklist just may be my love language.

And when I’m not eating, sleeping and dreaming plans or being turned on by a notion board, I’m helping my clients map out the strategic plans to their dreams.

In fact, in our work, that’s the easy part. The 2% of the work I ACTUALLY do with my clients. It typically happens within our first two calls, once we get good and aligned with their vision. Shape it and sharpen it up to make sure said vision is THEIRS, true and not someone else’s narrative or projection.

We plot expanded trajectories, streamlined strat plans and lucrative launches...like I said, that’s the easy part.

Because, like our daughter, my clients are brilliant, resourceful and so-much-more-than capable. They have the charisma, the skills, the drive and the determination. They open doors and the world lights up when they walk THROUGH those doors.

But UNLIKE our daughter, they have already named what they ARE here to do. They hold that vision and they know it’s their gift.

They are not in discovery...they are in deepening...and they are here to expand into the full greatness they already recognize in themselves. And to get it DONE.

One of the stellar humans in the Your Impeccable Impact program just shared this with me:

Like this glorious client, my people want to be unstoppable as they steward world- and culture-shifting work in their organizations. To be unwavering in their commitment and activation of what they are here to disrupt. To be unshakeable as they create a legacy of excellence by being Models of Possibilities for those coming up behind them.

And quite simply: to stop fearing the success that they have been yearning for all along.

So the plan is one of logistics. Of identifying support, budgets, contingencies and timelines needed to scale the mountain of their vision.

It’s not JUST the plan that they need. I repeat: that’s the easy part.

And it also bears repeating that it’s not the drive and determination either. They already have that and consistent action is not ever my people’s issue.

It’s the confidence and knowledge that when the mountain gets steep, their rucksack is stocked with every last tool that they will need...and the BELIEF that they know how to use them. That every moment of self-doubt is old programming ready to be regrooved. That the patterns can be rewritten with a glorious new ending.

And that this mountain may be but a foothill in the mountain chain of their choosing. Should that be their desire.

That’s what I do all day every day.

And we’re gonna get started with a new Your Impeccable Impact cohort in January.

​Let’s take 30 minutes to see if it’s the right place for you.​

In the meantime, I’ll be over here holding space for my kid to explore what’s calling her forward, ready to map out the plan the second she says it’s time.

But for you and I? Let’s go climb a mountain.

---

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

A story and a thought experiment for you this week.

Last Thursday was my husband's birthday. Having already celebrated it gala style with an epic party earlier in the fall, things were a little more low-key. So we were hanging out in the kitchen, late afternoon, the kid home from school and me done work for the day. We had a couple of hours before our oyster dinner reservation, so we sipped our respective beverages, and chatted about our days.

I shared some wins and some challenges I was sorting out, Greg shared his favourite parts of the day and our daughter, a fabulous storyteller, shared some delightful anecdotes. At one point she noted that her English teacher was surprised when L used "wanton" in a sentence. “What sentence was that?”, I asked. "Bridget Jones, wanton Sex Goddess?" 

We laughed, then met each others’ eyes at the same moment.

Should we, they asked?

Yeah, they affirmed.

And that's how we found ourselves on the couch puppy-piled in front of a fire watching Bridget Jones' Diary at 4pm on a Thursday.

With about a half an hour to go we realized the fire was cozy, the couch was cozy, the company was cozy and that ordering in Thai and watching another movie were the best idea ever. Oysters could wait.

 But what to watch next? 

Well, the second Bridget Jones movie seemed like a reasonable thing, given none of us had seen it and a double feature would fit the bill just fine. Maybe even the third if the second went well. (We’re wild like that.)

So the Thai order was placed and the opening credits started to roll.

“Uh oh”, said Greg.

“What?”, we asked.

“There are too many screenwriters listed. That’s a bad sign.” He said it with great certainty, but I tucked it away, snuggling deeper into the puppy pile.

We then proceeded to watch what may easily be categorized as the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. That's a large statement, and that may not be your truth (that’s cool), but for the purposes of this letter, just know it’s true for me. 

Afterwards, I asked him what he meant about the screenwriters. And he said, with the same certainty as before, maybe more this time that his theory was proven: “the more screenwriters on a film, the more lost the plot becomes, and the more people they brought in to try to fix it. In this case, it didn't work.”

You can see where I'm going here, right?

It's the same for many of us.

We have so many inputs from well-intending people with great ideas, great energy and great conviction. Folks who see the best in us, and who WANT the best for us. 

When we are at our best, most aligned selves, we take what we need, release what won’t serve, can integrate and move forward, closer and closer towards the lives of our deepest desires and creating the impact we are destined to have. That’s how an ICON moves.

But when we are not at our best, we cannot distinguish between good counsel and projection and can find ourselves overwhelmed with all of the inputs. We can start to meander off our own plot. 

This has been true for me as someone who thrives on community and collective wisdom. I've said this many times and I will continue to say it: my success is inextricably linked to the incredible folks, mentors, peers, colleagues, family and clients that I have the honour of travelling with.

But I recognized long ago that there were times and places and spaces where I have let other people inform too much of what I believed, knew and did. Particularly when I was underresourced. 

Because ultimately, I always know what to do. For ME.

Ultimately, my intuition matters above all else. For ME.

Ultimately, I am always the authority of me.  For ME.

It’s only when I forget any of those truths that I find myself adrift and trying to solve a problem with ridiculous plot twists, egregious dialogue and some very questionable choices.

So today I have a thought experiment for you: 

• Who are the screenwriters in your life?

• What if you didn't need multiple teams to come in and try to fix you? 

• What if you took some teams off the project and went back to the basics of your own knowing?

You don’t need fixing.
You just may need to remember what you are here to do.
You just may need someone to help you stay with the plot.

And you just may need to have someone strong-hearted and fearless by your side as you ascend the mountain called the world-changing work you’ve been assigned by your soul.

For some of you, I may be that someone. I’ve got the tools and the fortitude to do it. 

That’s my job.

---

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

Post-vacation catch up and pre-back to school busyness has kicked in over here at TG Coaching HQ.

With my business mind spinning with new ideas and my mama heart trying to (unsuccessfully) figure out how to bottle time, I’ve been trying to get centered by listening to more podcasts than usual.

One of the many conversations I enjoyed listening to was between Dr. Maya Shankar and Adam Grant about the science of changing our minds. As someone who continues to look critically at my own relationship with decisiveness and discernment, I was already hooked, given the subject matter. However, what I wasn’t expecting was for them to take a quick detour to talk about the Imposter Complex, and namely why it can be a GOOD thing.

In my work, I definitely attempt to dial down the gravitas of the Imposter Complex, because I often find folks will gaslight themselves for having the experience. But it’s not often I hear others saying the IC has great BENEFITS, so I found myself leaning in a little more.

I’m gonna take a quick sidebar here to say: we’re seeing tons of new folks on our list (maybe you found me through my newest training, so WELCOME!)

If you’re new here, allow me to offer up a little overview on some of the GOOD NEWS about the Imposter Complex.

If you experience the Imposter Complex, you are BY DEFINITION a high-achiever with strong values of proficiency, excellence and INTEGRITY.

• If you experience the Imposter Complex, you are HIGHLY RELATIONAL. (You can see that in the challenges you may experience relative to people-pleasing, comparison, and boundaries.)

• If you experience the Imposter Complex, doing things RIGHT and by the book MATTERS to you. (And honestly? I want to live in a world where THAT matters to more people.)

• I hope you’ll forgive the continued overuse of the word “matters” here, but if you experience the Imposter Complex, it’s ONLY in the areas that matter to you. Your leadership. Parenting. Writing. Teaching. Activism. Business. It’s a litmus test of sorts. Like, “does this matter enough?”

Alright, now that everyone’s refreshed on those very important points, back to the Grant and Shankar conversation. They mentioned research done by Basima Tewfik on the ways in which high-achievers might be more successful BECAUSE of their imposter-based thoughts.

For instance, medical professionals who hold any degree of uncertainty about best ways forward are far more inclined to LISTEN to their patients, rather than make presumptions about their lived experience. This is very good. Tewfik found the same was true with investment professionals. Better listening, better outcomes. Win-win.

I know for myself, the less I think I know about something, the less confident I feel in my COMPETENCE. I am that much more inclined to listen more to others who know more than I do, which is also very good.

And this exploration dovetailed beautifully with another podcast episode I have listened to more than once. It was an extraordinary conversation between Alok and the hosts of the Man Enough Podcast, about compassion and the intrinsic value of interdependence. It’s that last sliver that I’m thinking about as it relates to the Imposter Complex (but the whole hour is worth listening to.)

When we drop our pretense of perfection, when we lean in with curiosity, when we gather up support...this is when we are at our best. When we are at our most vital.

This is when we are at our most human and humane.

And this is where I ended up after sitting with both conversations.

There are useful things we can know about ourselves when the Imposter Complex shows up in our lives. Concurrently, it can also be true that there are moments in which those IC-based thoughts force us to stand up taller, listen harder, and think about things from a different lens.

But also: I’m on a mission to make sure it isn’t holding you back from doing the life-changing work you’re here to do.

Yes, I want to live in a world where folks are highly relational, curious, good listeners who want to do right by the book.

AND?

I ALSO want to live in a world where those same highly relational, curious and listening folks REWRITE the book. Because the “how this has always been done” book of status quo wasn’t written with everyone’s freedom and activation prioritized.

And the Imposter Complex may be keeping that proverbial book from being rewritten.

• It may be keeping the words lodged in your throat.

• It may be keeping your hand lowered.

• It may be keeping you from rising up to meet the challenge.

• It may be keeping you from finding your right people and your right people from finding you.

• It may be keeping you ONLY in the questions and precluding decisive action.

• It may be keeping you from taking up the space the universe has carved out for you and only you.

To all of this I say: not on my watch.

That’s why I do THIS work. I help folks challenge their internal programming so they can in turn challenge the programming that creates and colludes with systems of oppression.

I like to ask at the beginning of each of my speaking gigs: How can we talk about the things that feel risky when we struggle to talk about the things that reside in our wheelhouse of excellence? How can we claim a seat at a new table when we don’t even sit up tall at our own?

Let’s stay highly relational. Let’s keep being curious. Let’s embrace our high-achieving selves. Let’s retain our values of proficiency, excellence, and INTEGRITY. Let’s keep listening.

AND let’s get into action.

Informed by the Imposter Complex, but unencumbered by it.

Both/AND.

This is what I do best.

Let’s talk.

You and me.

You’re ready, and so am I.

And the world is waiting.

---

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.

I’ve been doing a ton of teaching and live training of late. Really fun teachings* with really fun world-changers (killer combo, right?)

And as ever, my FAVOURITE part of every speaking and teaching gig is the Q+A part.

It’s then that I really, REALLY get to know what’s up for people.

What I noticed pretty much across the board at every event was that the business owners in the space wanted to know about PRICING. 

More specifically, questions like:

“is my struggle with pricing related to the Imposter Complex?”

“is my struggle with pricing related to people-pleasing?”

“is my struggle with pricing related to leaky boundaries?”

“is my struggle with pricing related to diminishment?”

“is my struggle with pricing related to comparison?”

“is my struggle with pricing related to perfectionism?”

“is my struggle with pricing related to procrastination?”

My answer is generally: 

Yep, most likely.

To all.

AND?

It could ALSO be related to:

• An enduring hangover from a toxic corporate stint.

• Living inside systems and structures that are committed to devaluing underrepresented folks.

• Not having great models of possibility for fair, sustainable and HONOURING pricing practices.

• A trauma response.

• Family of origin upper limit situations.

• And about 567 other possible factors unique to each and every one of us.

SO, it’s an ALIGNMENT and CONGRUENCY problem.

One that doesn’t simply go away by listening to some random business coach telling you carte blanche to double your rates, or add two (plus?) zeroes to your service package prices. 

‘Cause you and I know that’s not in integrity for you. And I know that MATTERS to you. (That integrity, paradoxically, is CENTRAL to the Imposter Complex experience.)

But just for fun, let’s go ahead and run with how the manifestations of the Imposter Complex can get up in your pricing grill.

“Is my struggle with pricing related to people-pleasing?”

Possibly. Listen, you are relational. You are likeable. This is an important aspect of you. It has served you well. And it is entrenched in who you are and how (likely) how you’ve been conditioned. 

AND...you have an embedded belief that people will be mad or disappointed that your work is not free, given that YOU know how “easy” it is for you to do. And maybe you HAVE had an experience of having to endure someone’s disappointment. I get it. 

AND? If you are clear that your pricing is the right price, then this is a muscle you simply need to work out.

Because resentment pricing is no joke and has the exact OPPOSITE effect that you are hoping for.

Charge the right price. YOUR people will get it. And YOUR people will pay it.

“Is my struggle with pricing related to leaky boundaries?”

Could be. Part of the reason folks struggle with boundaries is related to a BEAUTIFUL value of generosity. We LOVE this about you.

AND? Many people will come to me when they are aware that they are on a pricing plateau. They RECOGNIZE it as an issue because they have a newly evolved sense of the value of their work. 

But they are at an inflection point. They know they need to charge more and just can’t bring themselves to elevate their prices. Or they WILL decide to elevate their prices, but then get wiggly about allowing the project scope to creep. Or they will overdeliver in an effort to make it “worth their clients’ while”...as if the inherent goodness of their work wasn’t enough. I get it.

And? A good question to ask yourself: “who benefits from me staying on this plateau?”

“Is my struggle with pricing related to diminishment?”

“How does she think she is to charge that rate?” is most likely the number one reason stopping folks from raising their rates. WHAT EVERYONE will think, right?

Best to stay under the radar.

Best to not get noticed.

Best to not call attention to ourselves.

But when we sit here, we miss the opportunity to call out clients, AND OURSELVES forward. Every time I have raised my rates, the standards I have set for the impeccability of my work has risen exponentially. And I’m here for that. (It’s what I want for you as well.)

“Is my struggle with pricing related to comparison?”

Oh it’s quite possible. Comparison starts out as due diligence. Seeing what the market can bear. Which is smart...and strategic. Knowing where your service pricing lands on a spectrum of other service providers is just good business. 

Just remember to keep your eye on the outcomes YOU deliver. Keep an eye on how YOU move. Keep an eye on what your clients experience is with working with YOU and only YOU. There is no one like you. NO. ONE.

And then get to it.

“Is my struggle with pricing related to perfectionism?”

Interestingly enough, while I’ve seen perfectionism play into pricing in a myriad of ways, I don’t find it to be the BIGGEST issue related to pricing as you are pretty sure you’re going to deliver at a high value. Overdelivering, to be certain. Nearing burn-out because your perfectionism requires exacting standards from you and you alone and so you don’t get additional support to cross the finish line, oh yes. And then some.

But perfectionists undercharging? I’ve got my eye more on their side chaser of diminishment or people-pleasing. 

“Is my struggle with pricing related to procrastination?”

A little like perfectionism, I’m more concerned about the other behavioural traits that might show up WITH the procrastination. Because I often hear folks SAY they know it’s time to raise their rates that haven’t been raised in x number of years, but they take their sweet time BECAUSE of the comparison, people-pleasing, leaky boundaries or diminishment.

There is oh so much more to all of this (a whole book in the making, as I keep saying!) but for the moment, what I’m hoping you can see is that this work is one big carnival game of whack-a-mole.

Diminishment...BASH!

Perfectionism...KAPOW!

And when everything is said and done, these moles are NOT the root cause of the issues. They are manifestations of the Imposter Complex. 

AND? The Imposter Complex is actually a manifestation of the root cause of operating inside of systems and structures that like to keep some folks down. Soooooooooooo...there’s THAT.

Pay attention to the people you admire. And see the way THEY price and I suspect you’ll find that:

• they have managed to find a way to divest from a belief that the price of their service is related to the value of their beingness

• they have well-toned asking muscles and do not apologize or 

• they are congruent and in alignment with their pricing

In fact, on this last point, I’ll go ahead and tell you what I tell almost every client at some point or another:

It’s not their business model, their platform or their messaging that you admire...it’s their ALIGNMENT.

And that’s what we’ve got to get right. With and FOR you. AND your people.

Your ALIGNMENT. Your CONGRUENCY.

Apply for a Discovery Call to discuss how we can get that locked ‘n loaded.

One thing you can count on from me: I will never (ever) be the person to tell you to double your rates, or add two (plus?) zeroes to your service package prices.

We don’t do that complete lack of nuance and context game ‘round here.

But I WILL have you look deeper. And then you just MIGHT decide that doubling your rates is the right next step. (Felt that whoosh? Good.)

So go ahead and apply for a Discovery Call here. 

---

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex..

Let’s talk about reverence. Because there seems to be a lot of confusion about that. What it is and what it isn’t. And I suspect that confusion comes from resistance. And for good reason...because reverence speaks to the epicentre of so much we keep from ourselves. So let’s have a look. In a moment.

We are relational.

When I talk to folks about what is most needed to overcome their propensity to diminish or compare, we of course talk about WHY they engage in those particular manifestations of the Imposter Complex in the first place.

(We say Imposter Complex, rather than imposter syndrome, and here’s why.)

And for starters, they do that because they are, you are, we are relational. I LOVE that about us.

And if you’ve been here for a while, you know I also uphold that folks who compare simply have a gorgeous value of connection. And folks who diminish have strong values of humility. Oh...and SAFETY. Let’s not forget SAFETY.

So yeah...these are worth protecting at all costs.

But when people show up on my calendar for a free Discovery Session to see if we are intended to work together, they are usually DONE with the enduring costs of comparing and diminishing.

They are DONE with being tethered to praise and criticism.

They are DONE with not fully embodying their leadership.

They are DONE with minimizing their impact.

They are DONE with working with the wrong people.

They are DONE with keeping their brilliance hidden.

They are DONE with not being compensated adequately for their work.

For themselves...and also, for the folks they know they are here to serve. Because they aren’t REACHING them.

So we walk through my tried, tested and true framework. The one that speaks into Integrity, Presence and Action. The one that moves folks from feeling like an Imposter and towards leading with impeccable impact with unshakeable confidence.

We talk about their vision, how well they are honouring their word to themselves, if they are showing up authentically. We talk about how they relate to their OWN power, how they are with support. And then I ask if they hold themselves with reverence. 

This is TYPICALLY the moment when the amazing human who has found their way onto my calendar and has been furiously taking notes puts their pen down.

Because they hear something in the word REVERENCE.

What reverence isn’t…

There’s something about this word they fear and yet yearn for. It’s familiar and foreign at the same time. It strikes them as pious...but also sacred.

And? They know it’s missing from their own lived experience of themselves.

So back to what reverence is. Starting with what reverence ISN’T.

Reverence isn’t just self-respect.

It isn’t just self-love.

It isn’t just self-esteem.

It isn’t just self-regard.

It’s all of it.

When we perceive it as ONLY self-respect or self-esteem, we can get trapped in the overworking, over-proving to ourselves perfectionist loop. Reverence isn’t that.

When we perceive it as ONLY self-love or self-regard, we can lose the plot on how we are relating to others. It rankles our beliefs about conceit and vanity. Reverence isn’t that.

We need all of it for you to hold reverence for all of YOU.

Reverence is…

Reverence, in its simplest form, is the holding of ourselves in the way that we hold someone we love, respect, regard and admire. (Notice I said simple...not easy. Though you may also notice how easy it IS for you to do this for others.) 

It’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that we are not required to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. It’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that the high expectations matter AND are to be held with grace. It’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that we are so much more than enough, (and no, not too much). And it’s about letting ourselves know, as we would let our beloveds know, that our job is not to make sure everyone is happy. That that is an exercise in futility.

Clarifying, right?

And when you DON’T hold yourself with the reverence you so richly deserve (and you do deserve it), the costs are plenty.

You will remain hooked to praise and criticism.

You will keep hedging on fully embodying your leadership.

You will continue to minimize your impact.

You will keep holding the door open for the wrong people.

You will keep your brilliance hidden.

You will stay undercompensated for your work.

(And if you are reading this and giving me a side-eye because you are super clear that you hold yourself and your work in the highest esteem and regard but are undercompensated for OTHER reasons, then by all means...feel free to move onto the next article ...I’ll be talking about what I have learned from the most “successful” people I know).

But if when you read the costs of not holding yourself in reverence and felt a pang in the very centre of your being? That aforementioned epicentre of all you keep from yourself?

Now we’re cookin’ with gas.

Because as I’m really being honest with you, that’s the part of you I’m most interested in speaking with. It is the wisest part of you. It’s the most truthful part of you. And it’s the part that I see most clearly.

It’s the part that knows your magnificence.

The part that knows the full capacity of your radiance, extravagance and brilliance.

The part that knows that reverence for the divine and sacred being you are is your birthright.

The part that knows, really knows what is available for you, in your most expansive glory.

And it’s the part that wants help in cultivating that sense of reverence. The part that had you put your metaphorical pen down and lean in a little closer.

Because when you can cultivate that sense of reverence, you’ll experience what my client Nokubonga Mbanga does and describes in the most exquisite way (as she does):

“When I am in reverence for myself, it feels like I am standing in my power station, it feels like a Sunday lunch, it feels like that laughter that comes deep in my belly, it feels like the music that swirls in my waist, it feels like dancing like all parts of you are watching, it feels like feeling good every day, it feels like a freedom song.

It feels like freedom to choose me, it feels like freedom to be visible to me, it feels like freedom to expand who and what I am.

You step in with Goddess moves. You step in to self- authorise, you step in collecting shiny objects in the dark corners of your story, you step in shining light to all the colours of your existence, you step in to sprinkle wisdom from your experiences.”

Yes, Nokubonga.

It’s THAT.

Now back to you.

And the centre of your knowing.

We need to talk.

It’s time you offered yourself the gifts of reverence rather than the spoils of anything else.

---

Click here for my free training:

Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.