Articles
42 Truths your Imposter Complex Doesn’t Want You to Know
This is for the marketer who hedges on their own marketing.
The coach filled with self-doubt that their clients will find out they have self-doubt.
The writer, unsure they have anything worth writing.
The business owner, afraid of the success just around the corner.
The leader stalled with bouts of uncertainty.
The visionary whose vision has been shrouded by the Imposter Complex.
The artist, stymied by comparison, who isn’t sharing her art.
The parent, partner, sibling, sister, daughter, friend constantly trying to do more because she’s afraid what she does is never enough.
In short...these truths the Imposter Complex doesn’t want you to know are for humans dead-smack in the middle of their humanness.
But before we dive on in, let’s take a pause and a breath.
There are 42 truths in this well that are on my mind this week. And though they all feel like Capital T TRUTHS, they are most likely lower t truths. Because context is everything and matters most. And the idea of there being “one right way for ANYTHING” smacks of white supremacy culture nonsense.
I trust you to know what you need to read. To remember. And to reclaim.
Given that, go on and drink deeply...finding what most slakes your particular thirst.
And remember that your Imposter Complex (here’s why we call it Imposter Complex and not imposter syndrome ‘round these parts) doesn’t want you to know these truths. It wants to keep you out of action, doubting your capacity, and alone and isolated.
But I believe that out of these 42 drops of truth? At least one is for you.
You will not exhaust all your excellent ideas at once. Stop hoarding your good shit.
There is room for you at every table you wish to sit at. And there are also tables that you are required to build yourself.
Feedback is a gift. It may not always fit, but if given with care and intention, it is to be savoured.
You will not please everyone. Nor do you need to.
If it starts with “I’ll be happy when…”, it’s not a goal. It’s a trap.
What you admire in others lives within you too.
If you want to experience wonder, you’ll need to relinquish the need to figure it all out.
You can't spell "integrity" without "grit".
All obstacles seem smaller once you've overcome them. And this is why we celebrate. It seals in the goodness.
You will be too much for some and not nearly enough for others. And in between the two, there lives an entire world waiting for you exactly as you are.
Allow yourself to be astonished by the good fortune of your existence.
Remembering that you’re human is often the most humane thing you can do.
Your tenacity is currency.
The more you expect of yourself, the more you can count on yourself.
Keep awake to your blazing beauty, brilliance and wisdom.
You’re bigger than your doubts.
See yourself the way you want to be seen.
You are not your numbers.
You can be fiercely independent AND lean into the support and care around you.
You are not contractually obligated to be small. And if you ARE, then it's time to write a new contract.
There is a world of difference between getting noticed and being seen.
Your calling made no mistake when it chose you.
You DO have excellent ideas. AND you are smart/connected/important enough to make them happen.
Jealousy is simply the by-product of a devoted belief in scarcity. Check your devotion.
Your job is to evolve. No apologies required. (Yes...this means you GET to change your mind. And NO, this does not mean you are flakey. Discernment for the win.)
The Imposter Complex robs us of the joy we have earned.
There are no badges for procrastinating on the things that move you forward.
“I’ve tried everything” is another way to try to offset disappointment. Fair enough. And still, I wonder...have you tried everything?
You know more than you think and you’ll never know it all. (Feel the grief AND the relief in that?)
You may think no one will be interested in what you have to say...but what if you’re quite wrong about that?
There are likely no “official” credentials, degrees or certificates for the precise brand of expertise you already hold.
They can’t find you if you stay hidden.
No...you can’t do it ALL. But your SOME just may be more than enough. Stop stopping.
If they’re hearing you say the thing for the second time, they NEEDED to hear you say it for the second time.
You may be looking for proof that doesn’t yet exist because you have yet to create it.
If you’re worried about swinging out too much, you probably still have plenty of space to swing out.
Your work matters. But it is not the only measure of your worth.
No matter how good its PR, perfectionism does not create immunity from criticism, nor does it assure safety, love and belonging.
The next level you desire is yours to step into. But the steps needed will not be mapped out in endless social media scrolling.
If they only love you when you’re diminishing yourself, that’s not love.
Honour your word to others, to be certain. But be sure to honour your word to yourself. That’s where the real integrity lives.
You will realize the infinite opportunities available to you by becoming the solution. Opportunities AND impact.
Feeling seen?
I hope so.
And if you still feel thirsty for the impact you are desiring to create, reach out to book some time with me over the next two weeks to discuss. Your Impeccable ICONIC program may be the right next step...like it was for Cerise.
“I now have the courage to think bigger, knowing I have all the tools and skills needed to become the solution. And the impact will be one of sincere human connection (personally) and COLLECTIVE transformation (professionally).” -Cerise S.
The Imposter Complex wants to keep you out of Action. Don’t let it.
I’ve been sharing how the Imposter Complex wants to keep you alone, isolated, and doubting your capacity. (And by the way, here is why I’m using “Imposter Complex” instead of “Imposter Syndrome.”) Separately felt, they are hard to be with. Compounded, they have the effect of keeping you out of action, which, unsurprisingly, is the Imposter Complex’s third main objective.
Keeping you out of action. Even (especially) the action you want to take. The action that will get you closer to your desires. The action that will prove to you that your tenacity is no joke. The action that will help you break your own status quo. The action that will have you reclaim your agency. The action that will change everything.
Yeah. The Imposter Complex is NOT a fan of change. So it lays down the internal dialogue tracks that are the lies of the Imposter Complex:
This self-doubt must be proof that I’m inadequate (so I won’t take action).
I have nothing useful or original or important to say (so I won’t take action and say the thing).
I’m not ready yet (so I won’t take action until I’m 1000% certain I’m ready).
It’s just a matter of time before this all crumbles beneath me (so I won’t rock the boat and take further action; laying low is my safest bet).
AND when you DO pull something off that is Imposter Complex-defying, it guttersnipes that you’ll never be able to pull that off again, don’t bother.
The One-Hit Wonder gave into the Imposter Complex. That’s what happened there.
The Imposter Complex insists on perfection.
It insists on pristine conditions.
It insists on certainty.
And it insists on zero-risk.
And I know I don’t need to tell YOU, my friends, that perfection, pristine conditions, certainty, and zero risks are not available to us. Never have been.
So, to keep us out of action, it has us doubt our capacity and keeps us alone and isolated.
See how this system works?
And once again, this is going to present in one’s life in a number of different ways, depending on which behavioural trait has its hooks in you you identify with the most. (Not sure? Take the quiz here.)
Each Imposter Complex Behavioural Trait works on keeping you out of Action in its own unique and inimitable way.
If you’re a people-pleaser, you are likely to opt out of action lest it pisses some people off. (YOUR people? Unlikely. But you may be worried about everyone else.)
If you have leaky boundaries, you may hold back from taking action until you have the assurance that everyone’s on board. (And “they” never really are, are they?)
If you tend to compare, you may be waiting for the space to clear out by others in your field before you can claim the space for yourself. (But of course, you know by now that the space is yours to make, then yours to take.)
If you tend to diminish, you are unlikely to take the action that makes the waves and draws attention to yourself. (This is it’s own special kind of hell. On the surface, you are functioning at a high and enviable level. Which is the problem, right? It’s that envy that you feel directed at you that keeps you from the more that you desire with all that you have. Yes, yes. I know, friend.)
And finally, the two behavioural traits DESIGNED to keep you out of action: perfectionism and procrastination.
Procrastination with its heady blend of distraction and analysis which collude with perfectionism’s discernment and insistence upon impeccability and unreasonably high expectations that are not commensurate with the job at hand.
No wonder you haven’t jumped in fully.
YET.
Facing our fears
So why? Why do we do this? Why do we (allow ourselves to) stay out of action when we can see so very clearly what’s going on?
Not surprisingly, it’s complicated.
And to suggest that not taking action is SIMPLY a choice you aren’t making is reductive and dismisses the complexity of your life. There are power structures at play that can and will either liberate OR limit ideas, actions, and outcomes.
That’s just true.
So our job then MUST be: find out what’s in the way.
Usually? It’s fear.
Now, before you settle in for yet another coach’s “mind over matter” rah-rah speech that is reductive and dismisses the intricacy of fear circuits in the prefrontal cortex, allow me to be clear.
Fear — in spite of clever acronyms like “False Evidence Appearing Real” — IS REAL.
And like someone shared in my Your Impeccable Impact program recently:
"To be fearless isn't really to overcome fear, it's to come to know its nature." — Pema Chodron
So when we feel and ARE stopped in our tracks, I think there is massive value in getting into and under what’s in the way.
Because there IS something in the way.
Else you’d be moving forward, right?
Right.
So we must get clear what is here.
To be able to clear it out.
Meet the Critics.
When you are finding yourself blocked, stopped, and not taking action, make a list of every reason you can’t DO it.
Every last reason you’ve heard in your head that has you believe (on ANY level) that you don’t have what it takes to step into your Starring Role — be on the stage, be an authority, write the book, switch gears — say YES.
Then parse through. Sort them into two categories:
Realistic Objections or Inner Critics
Is this a realistic objection? Is there an actual roadblock that is in the way or a person stopping your ascent? A qualification missing for the posted promotion? A gap in your understanding that needs to be filled before you can legitimately proceed?
Or is it an Inner Critic that holds a limiting belief that is singularly focused on keeping you from action?
Here’s how to tell which is which:
Realistic Objections (i.e. “You don’t have business training to start your own business.”)
Makes definite statements, but has time and space for what’s possible
Points out limitations that point to actions/solutions
Planning for a workaround resolves the objection
Are typically logistical in nature
Expanded sense of excitement (“what if” energy)
Inner Critic Objection (i.e. “You’re not smart enough to start your own business.”)
Makes definite statements with little room for nuance
Not interested in possibility, problem-solving, or action
Persistent and repetitive
Aims to shut things down and sabotage your forward motion (hence its other name: “saboteur”)
Often has a contracted quality of defeat (“why bother” energy)
May take on the tone of someone in your life who may be an actual critic of your actions (and it knows how well you rise to this kind of criticism)
There is a myriad of ways to deal with Realistic Objections. Every last objection is an invitation for a solution to be engineered. Again, as ever, as always: Simple, not easy.
As for the Inner Critics, well, for us to get past, we need to get UNDER what they are here to tell us. I suggest you listen deep in what I call the Tantrummy Toddler exercise and find the 2% of value that those critical voices are offering you.
And of course, you may be dealing with an ACTUAL critic of your desire to take action; if so, listen up.
For those who are critiquing your action: do you respect, admire, and trust their opinions? Would you trade THIS SPECIFIC aspect of your life with them? Perhaps they are offering you valuable, conscious critique. Your job is to discern what is true and valuable TO YOU. But NOT defer to those set-points of people-pleasing and leaky boundaries. As you do with the Inner Critic, see what gold is available to you and proceed from there, trusting in YOUR capacity. (See why this work is so foundational?)
I want to be stunningly clear again:
I’m not talking about bullies in your life.
Or the ones who try to teach you to play smaller so they can play bigger.
The ones who tell you that you don’t belong in the lab.
The ones who will step on you to rise above.
No.
At ‘best’, those are mean people who suck. At worst, they are perpetrators of harassment who need to be called in and called out. Gather your people to help with that. That’s what HR is for. That’s what mentors are for. That’s what your cast is for.
But once we know what we are dealing with, then we can deal with it.
And deal with it, we must.
Our job IS to take action.
Our purpose depends on it.
And, friends? There is no way around this truth.
Action creates confidence. Not the other way around.
To paraphrase Pema:
To be unshakeably confident isn't really to overcome the Imposter Complex, it's to come to know its nature.
Just like fear, the Imposter Complex has a job. We can't cut it out from ourselves. But we can choose better.
Simple. Not easy.
The Imposter Complex wants to keep you out of Action. Don’t let it… (with care).
And one final note. When you finally DO the thing that matters so very deeply to you? Once you’ve gathered your cast and bolstered your authority and TAKEN the action? I beg of you: DO not berate yourself for how long it took. Because, it doesn’t matter what took you so long.
You’re here now.
And that’s everything.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
The Imposter Complex wants you to doubt your capacity
We’ve established that the Imposter Complex is trying to keep you alone and isolated. (By the way, here is why I say Imposter Complex instead of Imposter Syndrome.)
But, ironically, that objective rarely works alone; more often, it interplays with the second objective: The Imposter Complex wants you to doubt your capacity.
Which sounds like:
“I’ve never done xyz, so I can’t do xyz.”
“I just got lucky with that win.”
“They’re just being nice when they tell me I did a fabulous job.”
“I don’t have anything useful to add to the conversation.”
“I’m not ready yet.”
Lies...every last one. (Trust me… even if you could argue the case for any of these extremely well, I’m certain I’m right about this.)
Back in 1978, when Clinical Psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes were studying the Imposter Phenomenon at Oberlin College in Ohio, what they noticed at its most BASELINE was:
“Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women who experience the impostor phenomenon persist in believing that they are really not bright and have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise. Numerous achievements, which one might expect to provide ample objective evidence of superior intellectual functioning, do not appear to affect the imposter belief.” The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention.
In other words, folks who experience the Imposter Complex dismiss their success and over-identify with their failures.
In other OTHER words, the Imposter Complex wants you to doubt your capacity.
You’re running a scam on everyone...you’re not super sure how. But you know it’s working — for now. And, tick tock, it’s just a matter of time before this all crumbles beneath you.
Now, this is going to present in one’s life in a number of different ways, depending on which behavioural trait has its hooks in you you identify with the most. (Not sure? Take the quiz here.)
Each Imposter Complex Behavioural Trait Colludes with Doubting your Capacity
If you’re a people-pleaser, it’s pretty much a given that you will discount the praise of others, when they tell you you’ve done a good job, or when they invite you to step up and lead. I mean, they don’t mean what they’re talking about, right? (No...actually, they’re not.)
If you have leaky boundaries, you may shelve what you think you know, what you THINK you are capable of, in favour of others’ perspectives, which erodes your confidence in your knowing even more.
If you tend to compare, you know all you’ve done will never quite stack up to what others have done. Or you may despair that you’ll never be capable of what you see others doing. (30 before 30 and 40 before 40-type lists are notorious for causing these reactions!)
If you’re a perfectionist, you know all you’ve done will never quite stack up to your impossibly high standards of what you OUGHT to be capable of.
If you’re a procrastinator, every second you spend staring at that blinking cursor erodes your belief that you know what you’re even writing in the first place.
If you tend to diminish, welp… doubting your capacity, or at least DIMINISHING your capacity is the name of the game. Don’t shine too bright, or you’ll be cut down.
It is my true and deep desire that you know that all of these behavioural traits, in and of themselves, are not problematic. We are social beings, and so the relational focus on comparison and leaky boundaries makes perfect sense. People-pleasing and diminishment have deep roots in survival. Perfectionism and procrastination are two sides of the same coin: the desire for excellence and the resistance to that expectation.
But when these behavioural traits keep us alone and isolated, doubting our capacity, and out of action? That’s when it’s an issue. Which brings us back to this time and place.
No matter which behavioural trait is keeping your belief about your capacity at bay, the best and only way to wriggle free is by deepening into the TRUTH about said capacity.
Simple, not easy.
There’s another factor that shows up when the Imposter Complex is jonesing to have us doubt our capacity. It will have us FURTHER DISCOUNT the value of our contributions if we feel they came too easily to us. As though there is a direct causal relationship between the effort expended and the merit of the outcome. It lives inside of a Puritanical need for value to equal sweat equity. It likes to negate alllll the work that got us to this place of good work which affords us a quality of ease that comes with practice. Writing. Experience. Learning. Failing. Calibrating. Because that is the investment you’ve made in building your capacity.
But for the Imposter Complex, it doesn’t count.
So we need to make it count.
The Imposter Complex wants you to doubt your capacity. Don’t let it.
Go Inside First
We need/must/are required to look long and hard and close at the TRUTH about our capacity.
This requires us to KNOW ourselves.
Our strengths, our values, how we do what we do.
And uncomfortably, this means we have to look at what we have DONE.
Oh, how we resist this. How we resist looking at the proof of what we have accomplished.
The reason is simple.
The ego wants to want more than it wants to get.
That’s just true.
And still. Your job IS to do an analysis of all you’ve done. In my line of work, we call this Bolstering your Authority Thesis.
When was the last time you listed every.single.thing you ever did brilliantly well? Every.single.thing you delivered, sold, created, influenced, decided, authored, won, crafted?
When was the last time you listed every.single.thing you have survived? Every.single.thing you have healed and fixed and released?
Yes, I’m talking about that grade 7 science fair project and the time you asked for the business and the time you raised your hand and the time you claimed what you knew and the time you overcame THE THING and the time you had the hard conversation and the time you risked the heartbreak and the time you called them in and the time you did NOT tolerate it and the time you broke the record and the time you chose you and the time you did not back down and the time you got back up and the time you said yes when you meant it and the time you dug deep in spite of the fear and the time they recognized you but you realized the recognition of your self was more valuable. All those times. And then some.
When was the last time you did that?
Oh… you haven’t ever?
And why not?
I’ve already named it as the work of the ego above… so there’s that.
And ALSO, we struggle with owning up to our accomplishments because we don’t PAUSE in celebration. We don’t rest in celebration to integrate the hard work. We’re on to the next thing. Wanting to want, not wanting to get.
Celebration offers us the chance to remember that there was once a time when you believed what you have just done was not possible.
So yes. Get every.single.thing you’ve ever done written out. Keep on writing until you have run out of paper then buy another ream. You’ll know when you’re done.
And on an on-going basis, track your wins. All of them.
DAILY.
Because in doing so, you are building a new narrative. One that celebrates your resilience and tenacity and helps you to recognize all the times you've stood in your doubt at this very precipice of your desires. Of expansion. Of a breakthrough.
Remember all the times that you decided to jump and discovered that the party was indeed on the other side of resistance?
Get Outside
And ONCE you’ve done that internal analysis of your capacity — or, in other words, realized that you are a badass — THEN you have a fighting chance of believing people when they tell you that you are truly remarkable. (I highly recommend you believe them. It’s simply the arrogance of the Imposter Complex that has you disbelieving them after YOU’VE already done the analysis.)
But I repeat: you MUST go inside before you can receive what others on the outside are telling you. And when you’re there, gather it alllll up. The reference letters, the sweet tweets, the cards, the emails. Gather it all up and hold the sacredness of accolades as true. Feel the gift of the acknowledgments and notice how the doubt of your capacity starts to melt away.
You did things.
All the things.
And there are oh-so-many more things for you to do.
The Imposter Complex wants you to doubt your capacity. Don’t let it.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
The Imposter Complex Wants to Keep You Alone
Of the three primary objectives of the Imposter Complex, the one that seems to cause us the most suffering individually and collectively is this:
The Imposter Complex wants to keep you alone and isolated.
(By the way, here’s why you’ll see me saying Imposter Complex instead of Imposter Syndrome).
The other two objectives: keeping you out of action + doubting your capacity are also exceedingly damaging, to be certain, in that they preclude you from getting your brilliance out into the world. On the stage it deserves. That YOU deserve. But those objectives don’t seem to churn up the suffering in the same acute way that this one does.
The Imposter Complex wants to keep you alone and isolated.
Yes. It does an excellent job of that.
This often results in you feeling like you are the only one who experiences the Imposter Complex. Even as your entire Instagram feed seems to be ripe with pithy quips about how “everyone” experiences it. Quips that feel satisfying in the moment, but can’t quite seem to scratch the deep itch you feel about just how alone and isolating the experience actually feels. Maybe even my own pithy quips.
Let’s be clear: the truth is there is no one who experiences YOUR exact, particular brand of Imposter Complex. It will be as unique to you as your DNA, your conditioning, and, most of all, the intersections that you inhabit and the way you are perceived and TREATED by the dominant culture.
And there may even be times and places in which keeping quiet about your experience of fears HAS KEPT YOU SAFE.
I’m holding that space wiiiiiide open for you. My Ready Enough podcast focuses squarely on some of these intersections with experts who KNOW those places intimately well, in ways my white, able-bodied, cis-gender self cannot speak to.
So, what I want to say here NOW is there is no one size fits all solution.
But. AND.
When we ARE dealing singularly with the Imposter Complex, its success requires it to keep you alone and isolated. To keep you quiet in your suffering.
I’ve been ironing out the edges of my thinking on this for years and I think I’ve landed the plane on how it has gained such fabulous traction.
Desire for Connection AND Independence
As my reader, I know a couple of things about you. Connection is a strong value of yours. Very strong. (I see you.) AND? So is independence. You like to do things YOUR way. Sometimes these two values are in tension. (How’m I doing?)
You crave the connection, the belonging, but feel if you ASK for it, it makes you appear weak. Or you feel you will not get the support you desire. It’s complex, to be certain… so why bother? Suffering in silence won’t hurt anyone.
Except you and your activation.
The Myth of Individualism
“We” bought into a myth of individualism that doesn’t actually exist. My thinking on this is very much informed by the brilliant mind of Nilofer Merchant and her body of work on Onlyness. In an article she wrote that invites us to consider the three questions: “Who are you? Whose are you? Who am I for?” she names it as such: "American society tries to isolate the question to the first one, “who are you”, celebrating a kind of individualism that defies all logic.”
But the truth of it, she goes on to say, is this:
“We do not exist in isolation. We do not conceive of ourselves in isolation. We are social.”
Precisely.
So when we buy into the Imposter Complex’s lies that try to keep us alone and isolated, in particular Lie #12 — asking for help is for suckers — and Lie #5 — you must not tell anyone about this — we are colluding with our confirmation bias that seeks to prove, on the regular, we are alone, we do not belong. No one gets us. No one cares.
The paradox, of course, is this:
NOT asking for help and NOT naming the fears KEEP you in the stasis of the Imposter Complex. And keep you from your top value: CONNECTION.
I call bullshit.
If the Imposter Complex wants to keep you alone and isolated? Don’t let it.
When you experience the Imposter Complex, I want you to NAME it.
To the whole world? Naw. There are indeed people who do not endorse, nor support your activation. And worse.
You’ve seen it.
You’ve felt it.
You’ve been cut back and down.
You’ve committed the sin of (out)shining.
So, nope. Do NOT name it for the whole world.
But name it for YOUR people.
Because as I’ve said, hundreds of times in thousands of words, in front of thousands of people and from every stage, in every conversation and interview:
“YOUR people want you to succeed. Let them help you.”
This is my most fundamental belief.
How do you know who YOUR people are?
I have yet to come across a more searingly clear rubric for discerning who YOUR people are than the poetry of Nayyirah Waheed from her book Salt.:
some people
when they hear
your story.
contract.
others
upon hearing
your story
expand.
and
this is how
you
know.
Yes. Here’s to the Expanders in your life.
The ones who are not afraid of your power.
The ones who encourage you to know your self.
The ones who encourage you to show yourself reverence.
THEM.
They are your people. They are your CAST.
Assemble the Cast
Call them in.
Call them forth.
Tell them when you are struggling with the Imposter Complex, or any one of the six confidence killers it presents with.
Allow them to reflect back to you your brilliance, your radiance, your shine.
Dare to believe them when they tell you how truly remarkable you are.
And then say the two words the Impostor Complex hates above all others. Thank you.
In one of her MarieTV episodes on the subject of the Imposter Complex, Marie Forleo champions calling in your #fraudsquad.
I call those same people your cast, and I sure am grateful for the cast I’ve assembled for the production that is my life and my work.
Because it’s like Michelle Obama said:
“We all have to find the people who believe in us”
I know who to turn to when I am feeling the spectrum of comparison.
Or when I am having a tryst with diminishment.
Or when I’m stuck in perfectionism.
Or I’m out of integrity with my boundaries.
I may be fortunate... but not lucky.
Assembling my cast has been my JOB. And it’s yours too.
Because it is an illusion that I need to go any of this alone.
In fact, it is nearly impossible.
I’ve tried.
And I’ve failed.
And I’ve learned.
So yes.
The Imposter Complex wants to keep you alone and isolated. Don’t let it.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
How to Stop Procrastinating When You Feel Like an Imposter
Quick question: If you landed here by googling “how to stop procrastinating” were you… avoiding something else you were supposed to be doing?
Or were you googling because you were caught (or nearly caught) procrastinating on something important recently?
It’s OK if you were; I’m not going to lecture you! Whatever prompted you to look for more information about how to stop procrastinating, I want you to know: you’re not alone.
Especially if you also suffer from the Imposter Complex. (Around here we say Imposter Complex instead of imposter syndrome, and here’s why.)
Because procrastinating is one of the six behaviours of the Imposter Complex — that AWFUL feeling that we dread experiencing… being found out... The other shoe dropping... Being unmasked... We know better than everyone around us that WE ARE THE Imposter. We are CERTAIN of it. And it’s just a matter of time before “THEY” find out.
So… why tip our hands? Isn’t it better if we just lay low? Stay out of the action? Then no one can find out that we really aren’t as capable as they had imagined, right?
And that’s where procrastination comes in.
(And, possibly, googling “how to stop procrastinating…”)
Except: when you stay out of action, you deprive us of the gift you are. The gifts that you’ve been given. You deprive of us the YOU that we need.
If you’re a coach, service provider, or entrepreneur, this is especially dreadful for you, because it means you’re avoiding the very things that would help you grow your business, serve more people, and create your Impeccable Impact.
So don’t. Get into action.
Stop procrastinating by understanding your procrastination
Now… I’ll be the first to tell you, your tendency to procrastinate may come from an excellent place.
Maybe your fabulous values of temperance and analysis simply want to make sure that you’re doing your work at your best.
Maybe it’s true that you are in the 0.1% of the population who actually DO work best under pressure.
Maybe the task at hand is just not tapping into your creative genius.
I totally get it.
And here’s what I know:
There are two kinds of procrastination: active and passive. If you’re an active procrastinator, this just may, in fact, be your style. But can we agree that it causes you undue stress and anxiety nonetheless?
And if you’re a passive procrastinator, it may be a function of being paralyzed by the enormity of the work ahead.
In either case, procrastination is a place we hide out in when we are having a hard time coping with the Imposter Complex. And when we hide out there laying low, feeling anxious and out of action, the paradox, of course, is that we start to convince ourselves that we ARE the Imposter.
(Which, psst… isn’t possible. ACTUAL Imposters don’t feel like Imposters.)
The cost of procrastination is huge. It can cause you to produce subpar work, can have you feeling shame and guilt, can create burnout, and above all, erodes your confidence.
And if you’re a coach, service provider, or entrepreneur, this is almost certainly holding you back from serving more people, generating more income, and creating your Impeccable Impact.
All good reasons to stop procrastinating.
But that can be easier said than done, am I right?
How to stop procrastinating…
In my experience, the best way to stop procrastinating is to remind yourself that you are ready enough.
In fact, I believe this — and say it — so often, I even named my podcast Ready Enough…
When procrastination and the Imposter Complex start whispering in your ear, because you have high standards of excellence and mastery (That’s good. And the number one reason why you experience the Imposter Complex.), it might sound like…
The pencil isn’t sharp enough.
Your pitch doesn’t gleam with startling shine.
You’re not smart enough.
Wise enough.
Brave enough.
Charismatic enough.
Gorgeous enough.
Spiritual enough.
Wealthy enough.
Now, what your wealth has to do with how prepared you are to make the ask, set up the appointment with the CEO, or send your manuscript off to the publisher is something well beyond me, but this much I DO know, with every fibre of my being:
Do it. You’re ready enough.
The manuscript is close enough to done.
The pencil is sharp enough to write the words that can change everything.
Your voice is strong enough to say what needs to be said. (Even when it trembles. ESPECIALLY when it trembles.)
As you sit down to make the call or write the book or step up to the mic to deliver the talk that will change EVERYTHING, think about how everything you have ever made, delivered, sold, created, drafted, crafted, survived, healed, and done is coming together. Right here and now.
For this very purpose. For this very moment.
And?
No one was ever fully ready. For anything. The pencil tip can always be sharper.
The space in between the systemic changes you want to see and the brave new world is your decision on whether you are fully ready or not.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.
Overcoming Perfectionism and the Imposter Complex
Overcoming perfectionism can be a tricky nut to crack when perfection is so idolized by our Western culture.
We are constantly bombarded with images of what perfect looks like — even if it is mostly completely unattainable — and we internalize it from a young age.
(And a lot of those images are mired in capitalism, white supremacy, and patriarchy, which puts that mythical vision of perfection even further out of reach for many of us.)
And it’s even harder when the Imposter Complex taps into that deeply flawed drive for perfection and tries to use it as an excuse to keep you alone and isolated, doubting your capacity, and out of action. (You may have heard this referred to Imposter Syndrome; here’s why Imposter Complex is the more correct term to use.)
Perfectionism and the Imposter Complex
When you’re mired in perfectionism, you constantly feel you’re not ready to do the next big thing on your list. You might be invited to do it, have people clamoring for it, but all along you suspect that you’re a fraud.
And so, to prove your “worth,” you dig in with over-preparing, refining, polishing, perfecting. You try to learn EVERYTHING (and I mean EVERYTHING) about the subject matter lest anyone find you out. It’s never enough. You think about canceling (a LOT). You become anxious and exhausted and it’s all too much.
If you’re a coach, service provider, or entrepreneur, this might show up as not wanting to launch your next offer until it’s “just right,” avoiding speaking engagements because you’re “not ready,” or living in a constant cycle of research and learning instead of just doing the thing.
I’m here to help you overcome perfectionism — because in my experience, it only ever gets in the way of us doing what needs to be done.
Perfectionism is just one more way that the Imposter Complex wins.
Perfectionism is inextricably linked to a patriarchal vision that cannot be met and causes real damage.
Perfectionism is also inextricably linked to white supremacy culture.
Now… don’t get ME wrong: It’s true that your perfectionist tendencies have served and continue to serve you well. They come from an excellent place.
You value diligence and hard work.
Refinement is important to you.
Your values of excellence and mastery are STRONG.
How can any of this be a problem?
Well… you know it, don’t you?
The cost of not overcoming perfectionism
The cost of perfectionism is great. It erodes time, your energy, and, above all, your confidence.
You often feel like “if it’s not perfect, it’s pointless.” But “perfect” is subjective, exhausting, and often a complete and utter myth. And when you cannot attain perfection, you feel like you are the Imposter in the room. Which is a double-bind.
You see… you engage in perfectionism to AVOID feeling the sting of the Imposter Complex. And YET, in engaging in that behaviour, you end up feeling exactly the way you didn’t want to feel.
Because here’s the truth:
Perfectionism is actually the lowest possible standard because it simply doesn’t exist.
Perfectionism is a gold star from some external generalized other.
Thinking about being perfect makes us stay quiet.
And none of this is in service to us or to the greater good.
Overcoming perfectionism
So how do we overcome perfectionism while still recognizing and serving the underlying values of excellence and mastery it often represents?
To me, the distinction is when perfectionism becomes a problem, when it is preventing you from achieving some element of your vision.
And I believe there has to be a middle ground.
For me, the word I use is impeccability. (You can read the origin story of how I landed on that term here.)
For me, impeccability means presence and integrity over perfection.
Impeccability means congruence. A syncing of our insides with our outsides.
Impeccability means an elevation of standards.
Impeccability means expecting more of ourselves.
Impeccability means having more to give because there’s more in the tank.
Impeccability offers grace when there ISN’T more in the tank.
Perfection is punition.
And, ultimately, you are ready enough — exactly as you are. To do and say the things you need to do and say. Because now more than ever, we need you (and me) to say and do the things we need to say and do. There are continents burning and guns in the sky.
Every day, I ask myself how I can be more impeccable in my word, my intention, and my impact. Every day I ask myself what I need to tap into to rise up to a higher standard. And every day the answers look and feel different.
Will I do ANY of it perfectly? No. But can I intend to do it with presence and integrity? Most assuredly.
That’s what I want.
Click here for my free training:
Five ICONIC shifts leaders use to overcome Imposter Complex.